so many company isms…kind of a lot for a girl who despises cheese.

I realize I have a very unique attitude as a “boss” or leader. Namely that the whole thing has only recently turned kind of a loose joke of sorts. For example, one of the construction dudes who fancied us this fine box of an office out of the old trash room just came to ask stupid questions for reasons I cannot quite surmise. I suppose if I cared I would have asked him. But I most definitely did not want to entertain any conversations of how and when to shut the door down. So, I decided not to participate and just observed. my issue with positions of leadership is I always want to play fair, and that’s not what they were trying to teach me…I am not a power tripper but I know several. To me it is pointless to try and rule by fear–wars get started over less after all…respect those around you and they will respect you. And despite what anyone might have to say, nobody will ever have any reason to say I was unfair or unbalanced.

right after this came the obvious question “d..did you get that?” My reply “uh-I dinno. Whatever he said. I don’t care.”

sometimes I think I will be dragged into hell for my mildly apathetic and less than excitable ways. Sometimes I am overly excitable to the point of being straight up pushy. and sometimes I guess I am the antithesis of both of those and just float in a little cloud of my own, not to care either way about comments questions, issues. those are the times when people look at me with curious faces and say…”what’s going on over there.” then I have to shove my dream sequence down into my pocket and feign to care. I suppose I have been doing that much of my life–feigning concern for things which are not important, AT ALL when I really just want to eat a cookie, pass out or read a book. Mostly A or C. But sometimes passing out is a unique solution to certain conundrums. Like say, what to do tonight.

Initially I was supposed to attend a party. But there are some rather unsavory (see: cokeheads) characters who will be there which means my friends will be possessed by the demon of cream icing which means I will hate them and once again go home alone. Which is FINE. I love going home alone. But a freakin escort every once in a blue moon is also delicious. And especially given it is on a night of saints and sinners….I just wish there was more space to spread my wings out and fly. Most literally–because if I could somehow figure out a way to do that? Sigh-a-nara my friends. See you never again.

With that being said I am going to jump off my apathy bitter cokehead train and say, thanks thanksgiving for allowing me a place to eat a lot of food, get messed up and not look stupid (well not too stupid) for passing out. There is something beautiful to be said for those moments which allow you to do that…and not be judged. Even if you are still stumbling home alone to make it with yourself. Which is about where I am at tonight. Party at my place and I am the only one invited.