I have this issue when I am dating whatever jerk I happen to have been dating at the time. And I say this in past tense because we all know they do tend to make you feel fresh and clean until they just “don’t” anymore. Anyways. So I tend to drop off the face of the planet and spend time hanging out almost exclusively without regard to certain things, like say, this, as my art. I suppose part of it is a question of disclosure. You certainly don’t want anyone you’re with to know you might have some thing personal to say about your life…that either they might not know about, or maybe something they’ve just been a part of. In any case, because it has been a little while, I am not gonna bore myself or potential readers with my ideas and disgust with the douche as douche, and how it is I spent a good part of my evening last night talking to two other women I know in their thirties who happen to have the same “mommy complex” whereby we, being awesome and able to take care of ourselves, end up taking care of the impotent dudes we happen to be dating. And usually this is not a reciprocal kinda thing, but more of a you take take take from me, while my literal guts are being shorn from my body as you drain me of finances and trust with every sweet utterance from your lips.

Anyways, no, this post is not about that. But a related kinda thing. The question of throwing the poo into the garbage from your dog you happen to be walking, usually the garbage of the building your dog just happened to dump in front of. Now, I understand getting all feisty over things you might own, and not wanting people to, you know, put their freaking refrigerator in front of your house on trash day. But are you really gonna get your fucking panties all up in a bunch because your pristine garbage can now has my dog’s shit wrapped up in a plastic bag at the bottom of it? Do you really want to take ownership of the pail like that? And if you did, wouldn’t you like, lock your garbage cans up so nobody BUT you could touch them?

Some douche walking two dogs yelled at me for just this thing this morning. And I ALMOST just dropped the dog poo in front of his front steps (where it would be if I didn’t clean it up that is), and I yelled back with my finger extended, “next time, I’ll leave it here!” “No, you’re wrong, I wouldn’t throw my garbage away in your trash cans!” Dude, I am thinking, I think my trash cans are for things like say, DOG poo and things that I don’t want to step on leaving my house. And if someone wanted to throw something away in my trash can as opposed to dumping it in front of my house, I’d be so incredibly happy, I wouldn’t even know what to say. But people are weird. And I really do not understand the don’t touch my garbage can weirdos. People get upset if you don’t “curb” your dog, but they don’t actually want you to throw it away. I guess this is why there are so many people I have noticed in the neighborhood these days just leaving the dog poo on the corner or on the sidewalk, just there, asking for someone to figure out what it is (but you know if you’ve picked it up before), tightly wrapped in a plastic bag. Just sitting there, like an abandoned puppy. That person didn’t want to be a total literbug, but probably ran into people like that jerk I met this morning (or rather, flipped off, actually).

I do know this— that dude will get the wrath of my dog’s diarrhea, because I am immature and vindictive, and my memory is long, especially if you happen to be a douche.