So I finally made it to 11,245 steps, or really I made it past 10,000. I still haven’t done any workouts, partially because I am embarrassed and partially because I used to do none of that. I used to work out randomly with weights sure, but I am 5’10 and used to weigh closer to 148 and looked better than I had in years and a year here making no friends left me at 170. Tomorrow I will add the workout. I have been doing this annoying and completely overboard beauty routine with cleanser, toner, eye cream or treatment, exfoliant, cream and oil. If it’s daytime it’s sunblock added, nighttime, retinol. Yes, a little crazy but whatever, if I am going to die anytime soon, I’m doing it pretty.

I didn’t write on my other site, mainly because I am utterly bored to tears reading all the stories of people just deciding the pandemic is over. The pandemic will not be over until at least 85+% of the US population is infected or vaccinated. We are getting there, but it’s going to take until the end of the year to really peter out, and several years after that to forgive everyone who was so callous and stupid and mean about it. At that point clearly the empathy will be forced since everyone will likely be suffering or know someone suffering from some especially harmful after-effects of the virus I keep discovering more on.

But more on that later, but someone like me wonders how people just DECIDE that something catastrophic isn’t happening all around us all the time. I guess in some ways I decided I wasn’t sick with heart disease or any of this shit so was pretty terrible with coumadin checks but did everything else that was asked of me-I do like sugar but have curbed it (as a half empty bag of marshmallows sits next to me). I get why people want to pretend it’s not happening but at this point I still want to argue we should be better examples to our children to show them what is possible with cooperation to assuage some of their fears about climate change–but that would require we think about more than our immediate comfort, which is really the only investment many in society want to make. Clearly we have largely failed here, but the two of us are still okay so I feel we have done our part to not spread it & have avoided killing myself getting it.

So the goal at the end of my experiment is to look better and feel better. I tend to consume every day Ka’chava with some yogurt, blueberries & walnuts w/coconut milk or water, an apple with peanut butter, hard-boiled eggs. Today we had a big lunch and some cheese filled pretzels for dinner and some marshmallows, as mentioned. I know, not a role model, not yet! I am working it out slowly

Beyond that, my chest is eh eh, my aural migraines I try to steer away as much as I can, those deja-vu gotcha moments I think are probably a something bad happening in my brain chemically, so I try to let them go when they happen so I don’t scare myself to literal death. I know one day I might die and then people will look here and go to the other site and think, well, hopefully you aren’t thinking the worst things. I am still figuring myself out, but I know for a fact none of my efforts are extended towards hurting anyone ever. Even the people who have hurt me the worst, and there’s really a slew of women there, as even being raped I didn’t let any man hurt me like women have. Their burns to me have been much worse, with intent and maliciousness, something I don’t have in me.