Quiet from my end is not always a sign of great things, but I have been writing content for my other things, as mentioned before in passing. Right now I am living on the edge, people–no health insurance to speak of, and the money he and I made last year means no consideration for medicaid. Having $20k laying around to pay for medical insurance, nahhh. Right now we are at our 3 month mark–what we have will carry us for 3 months and I have my little backup 401k I am kinda waiting to drain out–this would be if he finds no work by December. I did make him watch a bunch of overly prepared camping videos–meaning people who solved some of the worst problems through some pretty fancy inventions.

This time my backup plan doesn’t involve anyone else but Don…and of course the Duke. We have a Parks Pass, tent, mattress, some stuff to make it not so horrible. And ultimately if we do have to be homeless we don’t have to be like slumming it homeless. We will be State or National Park homeless which is a hell of a lot safer than city homeless. This is the first time in many years we have really nobody to fall back on but us. I am the queen of survival so finding backup plans, you know when I had friends anyways, was actually pretty simple. Now I did sow some great karma letting all those people live with me for free in NYC–but when you are out in bumfuck, Colorado and people are not community-minded nor do they understand networking too much–well, you might as well be in a foreign country full of people who hate you. Because they aren’t going to help you, that is the truth. Once again I want to point out that my birth mother had an apartment building nobody was paying more than $400 a month in rent that we helped renovate to bring in $2800 a month, so people are definitely not going to put any more effort into helping you than having you do the work for them to get that money to then kick you out. Isn’t “family” glorious? hahahaha. Yeah. Fuck family. That one, absolutely.

So our lease expires 12/15 which means we have like 2.5 months to figure out what we might do. I am not overly keen to be homeless in state parks, but–fuck it, if life hasn’t given us a lead by the first week of October we might be throwing all this shit into storage and just getting on with shit. I need that stupid valve done so any favors I might need from family or other people I might want to save just in case I don’t fare well with this next party of a procedure. November we would be running out of claim cash for this unemployment Don got so–ultimately we have like 8/9 weeks to figure out what we will need to do. Man–we were so fucking close to having a house down payment and actually getting some shit done…and then corona had to come to town and ruin all our good times. I am half joking there since, if you are familiar with my musings at all, well, shit doesn’t work out perfectly very often for me so I should have expected any relief I felt would be short-lived and very temporary. All good, we were in a better place than a lot of America having 5 months of expenses in the bank in May. We had to sacrifice a month because of the class he needed–and right now I am trying to scheme when I might need to liquidate the 401k I had–in National Parks which are like what, 15-30 a night, that could last us a while until I figure out how to make fate like me enough to give me a small, not huge, lottery win. That cash is my backup plan–like I said they generally did involve people, but plans are plans even if they involve no people at all. Is it scary feeling like you have no family to really fall back on, no friend circle ready to catch you? Yes, it is, but I went through 9/11 at 25 and now at 43 it’s whatever this shit is. I am most definitely more resilient, hell with every surgery I get harder to kill, but fuck you, life. I am not asking for more than a decade max. Seriously–help me out, universe. Have someone besides Florida call Don. PLEASE. I feel like moving to Florida is a game called try not to die I don’t really want to fucking play.

If I won 500k…half goes to taxes, a hundred would go to school loans and medical bill crap and who the hell could not live on 150k just sitting somewhere collecting money for being money. God, I guess a million would be better just to have something to work with to buy a home so I could avoid the rest of this dirty world.

Remember when I said this shit was in the air months ago? Remember when I said masks for a few months would solve all this? Yeah….but you know Americans. All that belief in American exceptionalism means we will die in maybe some pretty exceptional ways. It is sad, really. But definitely it is America.