So I mentioned I resigned from the job that was literally killing me with stress. I am not sure if fully removing ALL stress is the best idea either, as when you remove it all, encountering it in any form seems to boomerang you into a worse position. It is almost as if you need to train yourself to deal with the mundane nature of general stress so that when something really dumb happens, you don’t literally kill yourself with it.

I had a class on instagram last night I tried my best to get to–I had a map, I looked at it, hell I stopped not once but 4, 5 times to get help reading the map. Even at the liquor store, the drunk man asked why my phone didn’t work as GPS and yeah, why didn’t it? Because nobody fucking calls me, so the phone is just something I have decided to adhere to having because it’s an expected tool to have, ya know, just in case someone some day decides to call me besides Don. Don calls me every once in a while but we definitely use skype more than anything. So I got lost and I tried so hard and fucking 20 minutes in I realized I was too late anyways and I called Don hysterical in tears and crying and decided to drive home. Called Noel as well and told her my life was a fucking disaster and I can’t even manage to drive to a simple fucking class to help me progress in life without having a fit and getting lost.

Problem is that now I am sitting here in the same state, crying, headache and already have had an ocular is this a stroke migraine this morning and I predict another few will be coming today knowing how things usually progress. I am trying, guys. Hopefully I can figure out how to get over to that place as I have a plan for a class to learn WP in February so I can fix this site. It’s basically in a place with tons of rotaries (roundabouts for the weird) and nothing makes sense so it is my fault for not trying to navigate it in person before I got there but JFC people. My brain is the thing that will be killing me I am sure and the one thing I should be protecting. but I let myself get worked up because I spent money on the class and I am not working and need to be sensitive about that stuff for obvious reasons. I have done a few videos but need help editing and—well 2020 is off to a whatever start as a result. Never give up as they say so I haven’t. But holy shit world, why couldn’t I get a little more cooperation last night when I needed it? I even realized when I got home I was mere blocks away in the grocery store around the corner from the school, but didn’t have the internet to see where I was or a big enough map to get there. And with everyone very confused about me traveling around with a map–man people have forgotten how to use a map anymore. I guess, me included because that was an exercise in frustration and my brain is still bruised today. Blehhhh.