Alright party animals, I mean friends of the internet. It is happening soon, the thing I promised for so long. Why now? Well Don did something cool and set me up with a fantastic setup for that thing, above. Man I will tell you what, seeing yourself on camera was not something I have practiced a hell of a lot for maybe what, 15 years ago was the last time I used a webcam with any regularity and then, then it was for sure every day. I am not sure if that is something I need to do, should do, whether I am going to do it every day. After years of promises, I know, right. But it might be my only way to connect for the next bit. He’s gone just before my birthday, well not here and easily accessible every day, until the Spring. I did want that, the Spring with him conscious the same hours I was, but certainly did not expect to have to lose him entirely. I guess these are the sacrifices that will be worth it, one hopes. Though I did tell him even before this happened money was not everything and since I have never had it, I know that to be true. But I do know that not having it at all has never been fun for us, nor really anyone, and getting those problems solved has been easier and easier over the past few years–but fuuuuckkkk. I am not looking forward to the loneliness and isolation.

Those who know me, all five of you, recognize I am a weird person not interacting with too many people anywhere but the grocery store over the past half a dozen years. When I first moved to Denver I did get involved in an entrepreneur’s group and a writing group. But then I met Don and we kind of immersed ourselves in our own little well and have been there together for years, though the past year has been the hardest with him keeping vampire hours. I could always count on him for some physical comfort and to make me laugh every morning. Now he’s going to be several hundred miles away–not close enough to see, but definitely a desperate drive away.

Oh my god. I will admit him leaving will also mean certain habits of ours are going to be shelved. The drinking and the other thing. There’s enough of that going on there will be physical effects and maybe that’s going to be dangerous. Maybe I will come out better for it, maybe not, but at this point it’s an experiment I have no choice but to run. There’s a full on planned diet and exercise revamping plan too, given that sex will be suddenly shelved and for a girl whose only exercise is that, there has to be a backup–the one change you can count on is—I will document it.

and that is enough, for now