holy crap. I have realized my patience with the world is slipping almost daily it seems sometimes, but I think a lot of that is this hostility I seem to harbor while driving, and I am really trying to work that out.

Another group I have kind of concentrated a little of my scorn for are actually a range of people in the medical community who have kind of sucked a lot, and some are maybe better researchers than any kind of humanitarian sent to save me from myself.

I don’t need anyone to save me from myself but myself, of course, but the doctor in the hospital, the one who gave me that shit prognosis? Well, he seemed to be a bit surprised they cannot see the clot with the ultrasound right now. Yes the clot blocking not 1 but 3 arteries. Couldn’t see it. Not to say remnants might not be found with other methods later, but that’s kind of a big deal. I told them of my pomegranate diet and blueberries and they kind of shrugged it off but….there has to be something to it. He did apologize to me for making me feel like I was going to die quickly and he just said, well, those are accurate statistics but you aren’t that far gone yet so probably not something for you to worry about. He seemed a bit defeated when I told him I thought he was pretty hopeless the last time I was in when it came to me. Funny I felt I needed to console him when I was the one needing it the most.

The only pain I seem to have a bit is the balls of my feet and sometimes that calf but I am wishing for it to be phantom pain, given something real might fuck my whole plan up.

I started writing this up there three days ago. Seems like some complete thoughts so publish it is…