I do my mini hiatus joyrides away from the internet every once in a while. And the winter is always an easier time to stew and simmer and sauce up your days with bullshit little activities like say, watching the entire series of Lost for weeks on end.

I have written, or rather started to write many entries as of late, but because I am somewhat of an excuse queen when it comes down to doing something I do not want to do–I can feed you several. I was doing Yoga instead (something true only over the past week), no I couldn’t find a job so apparently not doing anything remotely constructive was a really good idea, no I needed to write my memoir so time spent writing should only be writing that (which I did a bit on, actually), no having sex took it all out of me (entirely possible)…no, actually really I just didn’t feel like it or have enough to say to bother writing much besides incongruous beginnings with no definable conclusions.

However, there is a vein of guilt that runs through me when I realize how free I really am. So I don’t allow myself to experience the full freedom the way one would expect. I haven’t focused on my art or my writing lately because–well, because I haven’t. I guilted myself out of having the best of all worlds–yoga, creating, writing and exploring, because I feel like I need to be suffering while I make money. Insane-crazy, but true.

But I have a lot to accomplish and now that it is the year of the dragon (MY year, actually), I have a lot I need to do. My mother called and offered the encouragement to my paintings while another friend called and told me I should be focused on getting paid for my internet dating experience and help people set themselves up appropriately…and neither is a bad idea.

Scheduling is something I have taken for granted in this freedom. And now that it is 11 am, I recognize that writing and creating need to be reigned in and accomplished on deadline…and not the moveable malleable ones I tend to make.