so today i was on a mad quest. first i paid a bill that resulted from some 2100 text messages and various other phone stuff. then i went looking for the healer, only to discover that the restaurant had been closed. thankfully the yoga place was still there, and I called them looking for Shali. They called me back a little while ago, giving me the phone number of someone else who might know where he was. this young lady and i spoke for a short period of time, and i could feel that she was trying to reach inside me, and encourage some awareness or emotional enlightenment, which i resisted.

resisting people’s attempts to get inside my head and read me is something i have become a master at. i’m not talking about not being able to break through walls constructed in protection, but just walls of resistance that have no in or out. they just exist as solid barriers blocking anything or anyone from trying to figure out what is going on.

anyhow. i spoke with her, and i spoke with my nurse, who made me feel a little better about upcoming surgeries. unfortunately i will be going into the hospital two days earlier, which brings back my admission date to when the original surgery was scheduled. i will be in 3 days and on the fourth will do this surgery, which is seeming less like a big fucking deal the more help i have gotten in dealing with shit…from the nurse to the people around me who care. i will feel immensely better once i talk to the healer.

i also noticed that the lower east side is becoming a japanese sushi strip mall. my favorite cafe ever, GiGi is even in pieces outside their front door. it was ms. V’s and my secret meeting place for so long. we developed so many script ideas in the confines of their walls, slowly digesting diablo pizza. i suppose it had to come down, with virtually nothing left of the times that passed. except millions of notebook papers. we had this twenty something pilot show we developed and the scripts i became obsessed with the more i developed the plot lines and character points. that’s something i have always had a keen talent for, character development and side plots. one i came up with for the twenty something script involved some dude who met this chick online…and they met the first time when she left her door open and a mask on, and they proceeded to tryst away, he without seeing her face, and she getting off on the anonymity. all of my experience in the online dating world and the characters i had encountered in my minor travels across the cityscape has honed my character closet to the point where there is not one kind of person i could not have a story about…

i received a featherbed in the mail today. for my slicky bed i have been trying to be inspired to get out of. but i suppose all of the time i will be spending in it recovering will make for a giddy warm and happy me.

so next week is it. then a healing time and a few more.

this weekend i am going to see my friend’s baby and then to see mw on saturday in boston. i love when the horoscopes give you thumbs up to do a bit of traveling, no matter how minor it seems.

when i get done with all of these surgeries, i want a plane ticket to jamaica to hang out with brent and his lovely wife. i want to drink margaritas and swim in the ocean and do all the things people do while they are there. and then of course, mostly nothing. i really want to do nothing somewhere better than here. somewhere i can bring my paints and get down.

and because you haven’t seen my political rants lately doesn’t mean i don’t care. i do especially love the excuses the vp gave to hide his shooting of his buddy. i guess if he had died they wouldn’t have tried to cover it up and blame it on the other chick who was there, right? and selling rights to our ports to the UNITED ARAB EMIRATES? I love this country. It’s blunders are almost too much to bear.

forget it. i’m not running it and i didn’t vote for the jerks who are.

each day i live is a small victory. each day i try and remember. each day i try to not forget. each day.

every day.