Wow. Life is something special, I can tell you that with confidence.

I took today as my own after my tooth was filled in with its toxic rubber mess. Then I walked down to my coffee shop and proceeded down the street to the park, which I looped not only around one lake, but around two. It is difficult, at best, to navigate walking and being on my feet for that length of time. It hurts my back, my incisions, my shoulders. I often cry out in pain and massage my own back during these times, vigorously trying to rub the hurt away. Today I remembered something from my surgery days which might make some laugh, but is a definite relief from the rigors of movement that leave me crying in puddles often. I have been on the subway to NY and had to turn my butt around at times, totally paralyzed by pain that seems to have no meaning but torture.

The relief? Trees. I swear to you, trees. They are representative of power and life, and you can feel it vibrating through you if you stand against one right and focus on pulling the energy up and into you. The park is what, some 5 mile affair–where I come from walking 5 miles is just basic maintenance. There is little to glean in terms of pride from walking that much in the city. But pull 40% is it, oxygen from the air and it is a definite trek. Shali was the one who told me of the trees. And I honestly understand the term, “tree hugger” as a result. I might be able to pull an illustration of a tree I hugged pre my last three surgeries to just exemplify what I mean about tree hugging. There is something to be said about the power of something deep into the earth extending skyward, having existed longer on this plane than I have. So I walked, and I sat against two trees, happy to have a little relief. I made it, sure. I didn’t call anyone to pick me up, though that idea is one I entertained before I sat against said trees. I felt a new power doing that, propped up against these old gnarled sleepy hollow type trees in Wash Park. I felt renewed. The trees’ power very well could have been the tipping point throughout my last dramas, it’s hard to say. I lived, and there were points in time during my last surgeries when that was not an idea to be entertained. People were called and did come to say goodbye during the last ones. I am sure this means more to them than it did to me, given I was unconscious, trapped in my own body, unable to express myself at all. I was dead. Future was erased, yet Shali did something I will never full understand to make that whole idea preposterous in some ways. I thank him to this day for his help.

I am sure that the universe is not conspiring against me as I have felt over the past few weeks. No, no–it is working with me, for once. Everything that was empty and hollow over the past few months came to a head today. Today, yes. Today.

I got a message from someone who totally floored me. I have spoken before of affecting people in some positive ways, hoping that my stories and my person was enough to make a difference in some lives. I am going to include this little snippet because it is a great example of the universe filling the cup I called empty for the past few months:

      “An hour ago, I was reminiscing. A memory came to me of an amazing person I met once. Thoughts of guilt and excitement all at the same time as I remembered ignoring all of my friends to hang out with one of the most interesting people I have ever met. That person is you.
We don’t know each other well so please don’t take this the wrong way. You are one of those rare people who made a big impression on me.”

I didn’t even know what to say as I received this earlier this afternoon, seemingly out of the blue, from someone I hung out with once. I am pretty sure that the lessons I had hoped to give people are not entirely lost into the ether of “I don’t give a shit.” And this is why I think the universe hasn’t totally shut me out. These are the comments, well, probably dozens of them I have heard directed toward me in person, that make all of the difference in the world.

So I strutted over to the bar afterward, completely full to the brim of hope and love and purpose. If I have the ability to affect people getting wasted in bars like that (and I was too, mind you), imagine the good I could inspire walking around sober.

The bar was sweet enough and I made a new friend, and I got a phone call from an unrecognizable 212 number, which really never happens. Oh yes, it was the casting agent for the tattoo tv show I auditioned for, asking me to be on yet another show where world class tattoo artists tattoo their subjects, and that is basically the show (whatever, it could be about tattoo artists and lollipops, I just want the best artists. For the girl juggling either tattoo work or car, this is a very welcome resolution, and though ny ink didn’t happen, this one likely will given the casting director called me personally to tell me they wanted to hear from me directly.

So look at that. June 1 was nothing short of a sham-filled day. And like I said, May creamed me, but June, June is all sunshine and lollipops and rainbows everywhere, and yess…SUN…keep shining on me. I need it!