Normally I like to say Kissmas, but there’s no kissing going on in my world…And just as a last hurrah to this format sharing the dirty details…I decided to just write my last kind of unedited things this week until the site goes up new…

I started online dating again which is just funny, as it usually involves the message popping up and said man or man-boy or whatever inevitably comes my way says “Hi, my name is Tyler,” or whatever. Now the young ones, they still have some hope, right? The older ones are just eeek, wrong. From a different planet. Well you figure…anyways. And I am just bored enough at night I will engage them for a few lines. So I just tell them usually, why we aren’t gonna talk. It’s usually along the lines of..”hey, you really need to get a new photo up there.” What??!, they cry. “Yes, you look like a meathead.” One of the dudes last night got pretty upset and said something along the lines of…you’re hurting my ego here. I said, “all, good, you definitely need it checked.” He thought I was being “mean.” I said “alright, now think about who you have been getting versus who you’d like to get?” “Now tell me I am wrong”…A few lines later he said, “wouldn’t you just die to kiss me?” Um, no, dude. “Die to kiss you? DIE? You have got to be kidding me. Plus you’re all of 26 which means you definitely don’t know what you are doing. So, no, I am not dying to kiss anyone to be honest.” I am sure you can imagine the storm that ensued after that, the jock having finally had his ego checked. Whoops. I tell most of them that simply because they are insanely persistent and continue to message you sometimes when you ignore them day after day. So I just say, “No, not gonna happen.” Or, “No, I am not someone’s midlife crisis, dear.”

Strangely I looked later (he had the typical post pubescent profile saying a lot of nothing, like something you pulled from genera land)..and it said he was from Toronto??!? Say what? We all know how much I have always loved Canadians…but this kid just made Toronto look bad. Oh well, I need to look further south anyways…my toes hate cold too much and I am too much my own person to sell out that.

But I have been just sticking it out there, hey, I’ve got a heart problem in honor of the dudes who all stopped talking to me as soon as I told them…some think it’s interesting and ask me dumb questions, some ask the right questions and the some just ignore it after a few answers. So I guess saying I am online dating is really just a lie since I haven’t dated any of these dudes. I am, however, online shopping for men. And I don’t care what anyone says about it…it’s all anyone is doing…but it’s the best kind with no commitment and the ability to return them even! Ha, how crass. But until it’s something that feels right, that’s all I can say about that.