I think I am so inside myself, beside myself, that my voice is starting to choke back a bit. I can’t wait to get my room set up…granted its just my temporary room, but it’s still mine for the taking. I also would guess I have become somewhat like an adopted sister to these guys…I help them out but it’s one of those relationships that’s definitely a lot of give and take…a pretty lovely case of bartering labor for housing. I want to be solid, on firm ground and find a place to be…but I am really finding everywhere I am suffocating in a lot of ways. At the farm it is just for lack of life and community…in Jersey City I’m a little bored…Or perhaps there is something stagnant about it for me largely. Groups of people are generally the same, rotating easily close to a decade if not more in some cases.

So it’s New York, here I come…through the school years if nothing else, in student housing because really it’s one of those things (school) I need to experience directly. Unless I am getting married, which I ain’t, my life is going to go in a certain direction which needs fluidity that way. But my plans…plans are like hearts…meant to be broken. I came up with that years ago.

I am not sure where…as crazy as that might sound. I just want to make sure I spend all of my time living, and not looking towards the end or too worried about doing what I am supposed to do. I love people and need to deal with people, and one day when I am tired of them I can see myself fully secluded with one person. I guess even now that is where I am, hanging almost exclusively with one person at a time…maybe I should go on this trip alone…I keep thinking I should go with someone, then I think I don’t even like anyone that much, then I think I want to do it alone, and maybe see the young man, or not…I mean. He’s there, and I miss him. But I have had a mini introduction to the city, so I bet if I could do this comfortably I could go to Mexico, too.

Mexico is December’s option.