So San Francisco and LA are like under $200 something round-trip. But Belize is right up there in affordability.

I need something to look forward to, like a physical escape into warmer
places. Last year it was Miami in December. This year, who knows?

But, the skies are wide open, and so is the vision.

And I realized something else. I didn’t move to Boston because the
circumstances were not there for me. For example, if I had stayed with
Francessa as we first planned, I would have moved, but I came back here
to plan it more efficiently, but that never works. And so, no Boston
for me. And probably for good, because all the planning in the world
will never work out for me like that.

Sometimes when you find yourself in a happy place (which I thought was
me then), you have to fight your way to stay. I could have stayed with
my mom, or other friends, but I had to squirm my way back here, and be
flat ass broke instead! Oh, the choices I’ve made.

And next time, maybe, I will make myself stay where I belong. Or where
I think I belong at that moment. Because I don’t know where I belong. I
have never felt comfortable in any kind of sense of ‘homeness’, or
happiness in a place that was not fleeting. Perhaps it is my
conditioning. My mother and father had 24 houses, and I think I have
lived in 17–across 4 different states, and some back again.

So what do you do when you feel no home?

I guess you shop for another one. At some point it becomes necessary.

Uh huh. And today is my first day of work outside the home since July.
And that is kind of exciting. My energy is kind of messed up, but I
will deal.

Wish me luck.