Sunday.

crazy dancing in the town square (I wouldn’t participate–gawky and spaghetti limbs don’t work like that–but this is a new mission)

I like surprises, which is why I often like those situations, even if they are only set up in my own head, where I learn something and surprise the shit out of someone else. Oh I look like a monkey now? Wait until you see me in a month…I would pair up perfectly with Fred Astaire as the tattooed Ginger Rogers.

These have included in the past and present:
Portuguese
Hebrew
Arabic
Spanish
Dancing anything from modern Chris Brownesque stuff to learning to Salsa and the other fun and sexy stuff
Guitar
Singing

I have some of the currents folded into the pasts.

I was reminded pretty urgently today–my life is not bad. Far from it, in fact. I need to start looking at the future and trying to meditate the present to really balance all out in a non-feeble way. A kind of personal reconciliation of some sorts. (reconcile is quite possibly the one word I forget the most on this planet, I swear)

I am not a bad person. In fact, nobody I have put myself near in so many years has really had any inkling of badness that I could not flush out with a bit of distance or a good talking to (or through).

Without getting too gushy or stupid…I was on the verge of giving myself another seizure today but got pulled pretty forcefully out of it. And I thank my lucky star(s) for that. Because another seizure presents a possibility of stroke. And that would pretty much suck.

So my zen ass is going to call my friends the brokers tomorrow and give them a deadline. Of tomorrow at noon. And if they don’t fix this, well, I guess I will have to cancel the checks and get my money back and start over. At this point I will have to put my things into storage though. Because I have dragged this all on long enough. Then I’m coming over and knocking on your door. ha. No. I am going to (at least try to) cash in some favors I am owed though. This is why you always offer up the help when you have it to give. I never ever have expected any kind of repayment of anything. But I guess I could go banging. So lock your doors tight, kids.

I am going to finally try doing some of this shit I’ve meandered across (in my mind) but been afraid to fail at. I am thinking I actually might be able to do some of it if I try…just try to do it.

It’s something I have been utterly afraid to do (fail). I don’t know why. But why not do it when I actually have something underneath me to catch me. Uh huh. You get me, I can see it.

I am going to the equator to get some sun in January, but hopefully it will be more exploration and less escapism (though escaping to the beach to roll around in the sand is probably an okay excursion).

This is my new new theme these days:

summa donna
simma down na
simma down now

For reals.

And I know I made mention of my journal of the lock-down.

And for all the rest.

Love. It’s all there is (that mattered) and was at the end of it all. How’s that for some philosophy? You knew it couldn’t be all right didn’t you?