You wouldn’t think it would be as hard as it has become to get an apartment in downtown Jersey City with what I see is a fairly generous budget…all while being able to use a broker. But apparently it is. And I am so not happy with the progress, or lack thereof, that has transpired as a result of my efforts.

1) 2 scams trying to get my money and information wired to them before the keys were sent.

2) 3 fairly creepy apartments which were wrong for me in one way or another. I even decided upon one but the fucking agent is doing a really bad job trying to get my money, which basically involves calling me and getting the dad’s info and saying thank you. What a fucking moron.

3) I have no time for this nonsense. Normally I would send out a few people I trust who know my taste…but that is kind of a lot to ask of a friend. Especially because the ones I would be asking would more than likely be extravagant pot heads who don’t give a shit about anyone but themselves.

I have decided to try and stay in this class especially because the professor has now taken it down a few notches and has been answering his emails “brian”, which is far less oxfordesque-pole-up-my-ass while-my-mommy-feeds-me-crisps-and-tea than I thought he was. In other words, I think he might be able to communicate in a non-offensive and leveled way. I have no idea how a few emails could have turned my opinion so swiftly, but they have.

I want some wine and cheese. Right about now. I want a NYC skyline view and some wine. Cheese and grapes would also be good.

This will probably translate into a root beer on the waterfront and a cheese sandwich. I want more NYC stuff–I was telling my friend Cristina that I never do NY things. What are NY things you ask? Well, they are all the things that all of you dream about when you think of NY and what it means to live here. Because I’ll tell you one thing (or maybe five things)…it is far easier to be romantic about a place you do not know until you get here and realize it’s so expensive all of this romance comes at a price. I always thought I would be the one waking up on frosty mornings, cup of coffee in hand, sloshing out the door in my sweater and coat to brunch…to the museum, to a movie. I have been to the “theater” once. I think this was to see Monty Python. But I despise musicals because they take too many annoying opportunities to inject song and dance into what could be a perfectly respectable play. But I don’t do plays, either. I have never seen the Nutcracker. I have gone ice skating only a few times. I suppose I have nobody to blame but myself. The harbor tour I took was because my school offered one to Ellis Island as a part of orientation week.

Then again, this is the girl (that’s me) that has spent the past 25 years yearning for a hot air balloon ride–and never coming close.

This fall will be about apple pies and leaf piles. I make the apple pies. The trees make the leaf piles. That’s the deal we have.