I had one of those weekends that you never forget. I have been running through it over and over again in my head–starting from Friday night where one of my best friends got married. A beautiful ceremony with a beautiful bride and groom. It is such an amazing thing to see people so happy together, and to be a part of that was nothing short of a blessing. They got married at Fort Hamilton, and it was such a beautiful space that  I am slightly jealous I am not a veteran to have that ability to get married there…

The next morning, Saturday, I took the Acela up to Boston to see my birth father because his son was going to Berklee college of music at 17 and he wanted to make sure he was okay. I had no idea who would be there, because he has like 6 children, three of which are his own. He never referred to them as being my brothers and sister in conversation. They were simply Aidan or Matt or Kate…I met Aidan five years ago when Mark came to see me in New York for the first time. He was all of 3 then, and a really cute kid. I never saw the resemblance at all.

Mark was waiting for me at the station, with Matt. I looked at Matt for a minute, noting his features. I was a little taken aback by the similarities, but I wasn’t that sure we were related until much later in the afternoon, when I peered at the mail in his apartment.

Either way, after the pickup and my bag drop-off at the hotel, we ended up at family orientation lunch to hear the president of Berklee give the parents a welcome speech. Aiden was there, as well as Mark’s wife and his stepson. I should have realized upon seeing Colleen’s son that Matt had to be Mark’s kid, and my brother, but I just assumed that it would have been a bit more of a point made when we were being introduced. Instead it was, Deanna, this is Matt, have you guys met? Either way, yeah, so I was at family orientation day watching the inner workings of not-my-family from people who were my family (at least 3 of the 5 anyways). Which was actually completely fine.. I thought to myself many times over the day, wow, this is just bizarre, incredible, but really cool.

After leaving this event we went to the Aquarium, saw all of the jellyfish and turtles and other fun fishes. And when we all parted I just thought to myself, wow, this is my life, this strange crashing montage of people.

Anyhow, it wasn’t until we left the aquarium after ice cream where I realized we definitely were related on the way back to Matt’s place. He made some comment about seeing Bliss (the spa I work at) on the way to school every day. I told him no, we weren’t in Boston. He said, “Damn, I thought we had something in common besides the blood”. Bingo, my suspicions were now confirmed.

After we all went out to dinner and I started watching more of the family interaction and being a part of it, I realized that I was not mad, as he later thought I would be, that “my life was ruined damn you!” I am sad, though, much as I am when I am around my birth mother’s family, that they are all so amazing and cool to each other. I don’t fit in really, because I am just an outside observer. Sometimes I would give anything to know what that kind of family it really is. I watch them, and I see them, and I am jealous. I am not angry, or filled with rage anymore. My rage is long gone, drained out of me from too many surgeries. I am jealous that these people all love each other so much, that they don’t say terrible things to them. They call each other, they care about each other. They talk to each other with respect. Their parents want to do things to help them. Their parents do help them.

My parents, or my mom rather, hasn’t done a lot with this aside from tell me if I ever got married that she would not go to a wedding where those people were invited. That it would be somehow taking the focus off of me anyways, and would somehow be a scandal she could not bear. Vegas weddings were designed for people like me. But my mom is the one who would be mortified, because the attention would not be on them, it would be on me. I have a little brother. He has a twin. I have a little sister I don’t even know yet, a sister who might want to have more to do with me than my own sister does. I also have an 8 year old brother..wow, right?

I have a little brother. He’s really smart. Really funny. You would like him. He’s got wisdom born from being raised right. And although I do look like my  birth mother, I look more like my brother at his age than I look liked her.