Hmmm…it wasn’t too long ago that I was savoring and kissing the idea and reality of summer smack on the lips. These days it feels like Fall, a new crispness in the air, “beautiful” days describing this 60 or 70 degrees and something weather.

I have enjoyed everything about my summer immensely, save for the lost friendship and the fact that I was wretchedly ill for the beginning of it all. But dare I say I came through it all with flying colors. One would never know that I had undergone so many serious surgeries. Most people don’t believe it when I do tell them, but for the most part the people I have come in contact with were the grandfathered few, the friends I have had for many many years. Granted they were not always acting like friends, but they were certainly there to lend an ear when I thought I was on the verge of a breakdown.

These days I am pretty confident that there is nothing that could wreck my soul and spirit really at all.  I am actually prepping my wings for flight, things are starting to happen, and with these silly and sometimes trite little things I call goals, I do believe things are changing for the better.

Just like before with all of the surgeries I had undergone in the past, the people I thought would be around were not, and the ones who were happened to be people I barely knew, and some not even in the flesh!  I have reconnected with a few old friends, and am happy to count my dear friend Sean back into my circle of light. He is one of the most inspiring people I have known and happens to be quite the voice of reason when I want to fly off the handle and beat someone over the head with it. My friend who had the baby  who would have been brother to my own has all but disappeared, but I cannot force blame on someone who has been a friend only in the eyes of nostalgia anyways.

I have checked off a few things I wanted to do before I died: visited LA, visited Las Vegas, romped on a nude beach,  had a whole summer off to do exactly what I wanted…which in all respects often amounted to nothing. People who know me, as opposed to people who think they know me, realized I had been busting my ass for so long that my extended break was not as much of a vacation as a space for solace and peace. I had nothing to worry about this summer really at all. My voice is coming back with the aid of my shock therapy. I have gained a significant portion of my weight back. I have brown hair now, and it is mostly chopped off in a shag of sorts.  I do not look or appear as the miserable and sad little presence that I once was.

With all of this life and death stuff, I have gained a new perspective on people and their inherent relationships with themselves and the universe, if I might be so bold. I know so many people who fail at the very essence that is life, afraid to try new things, afraid to be the person that they dream, afraid to shine the light upon themselves for fear that they might be perceived as arrogant. I tried to teach this to OCD recently as I had her get her hair cut at my friend’s place. She ended up offending the stylist because she was afraid to appear snotty or “full of herself” by recognizing her inherent hotness. As it stands now, I know I rule. I know I’m hot. I know I’m strong.

And with those that I know that think this is a wrong statement or not really accurate. All I can really say is “F off”.  I could care less what anyone says about me that is negative or immersed in drama or spite to recognize that I have gone through and waded through a swamp of garbage.  It is the strangest thing to realize that people who are miserable, and perhaps knew you as miserable as well, would actually resent your ability to get your life together despite all of nature’s gifts towards your shortcomings. I am sorry you guys are miserable and will never be anything else beyond your weak and miserable selves. I am sorry you wanted and wished and pined for my death and departure from your realities (*obviously not intended for you all, but those who know). I don’t play like that. I screwup, sure, but I ALWAYS learn from my mistakes.

I have also discovered a new piece of writing brilliance. E borrowed the first season of Lost from his assistant. Today we marched into Kmart to pick up the second season which was just released yesterday. Now, I am not a fan of television beyond it’s distraction or ability to make me feel like I am not alone, being kept company by the blaring of the voices and noises. But this show is like a really good book. And one I wish I had penned myself. It is a rare occasion, and actually has never really happened before, my desire to be  part of something born on network TV.  I mean sure, I watched Rockstar Supernova because our friend Ryan was on it. But now that he’s been booted, I just don’t care.  But this show was written in a way and with such open character pathways that  your imagination can literally go wild trying to figure out what could happen next. It’s better than a choose your own adventure book….actually I don’t really like those…but yes, you get the idea. I do understand the obsession with it. And because I have never had to watch it with commercials, a lot of the pause in between the scenes is missing, and you are forced to endure the crazy behaviors and gore without having the ability to pop yourself a new bag of popcorn.

Anyhow. On the way back from the beach today, E and I were listening to GW’s speach on what happened and in what order and this is what has gone on but please support our war on terror. And I honestly think he might not be that bad of a person…I just wish his greatest position in life was being someone’s grandpa and not the president of this country. I cannot help but think most shit coming out of his mouth is literally shit. But that’s just what the record has shown. And I still wonder, with all of his flagrant  pretending he is actually doing anything but perpetuating more terror on our own home turf, why the public was trying to impeach Clinton when our very own P shitty has shit all over the poor in this country, done nothing to discourage outsourcing of jobs to foreign nations, gotten us involved in a war under the pretense that it was all about that now sketchy acronym WMDS when it was really all too convenient that Iraq switched their trade currency to Euros within a few months of our invasion (but how sweetly we pushed the button switch back to US dollars pronto!), pretended we cared about the Iraqis suffering under a brutal dictator while letting Sudan exterminate itself slowly and implode from the inside, done nothing to address the minimum wage issue but bitch and complain about the “immigrant issue”, instigated NO programs designed to benefit the welfare of the citizens in this country beyond protecting us from the terror storm when he himself gave them the gasoline and match to burn us.

A blowjob from an intern is pretty petty in comparison now, isn’t it? If this country wasn’t so prude and fundamentalist Christian, he might not have lied about it. And I could care less. He was the President. I think a blowjob every now and then is not out of line at all.

So yeah. That’s a week’s worth right there.