Soooo. You know I love being an experiment–actually that isn’t true, but let’s just say that in this life I have felt the need to be my own best advocate. I’ve experimented on myself over the years trying to find a balance and solution to my issues–the health issues are certainly way more fun to try and solve over the abandonment ones–that’s been my biggest weakness is feeling that from literally everyone, and the heart issues seem to exist as a metaphor to that, a manifestation of my busted heart, searching and stretching for love and acceptance.

So let’s go back to the self-experimentation. Sooo. The mat. I’m gonna tell you something about the mat. It both fascinates and terrifies me because I can feel it when it’s on, I know when it’s off, and this is not the heat issue–this is just the PEMF. I can feel its pulsing little surges underneath all that stone when it’s activated via the controller, and I can even feel a difference in surge levels. I did yoga at about 9:05 earlier. Do I feel better as it’s not even 10? I do. Could this thing be a magical solution for me or some people? No idea, I am going to start recording more data points to see if there truly is an improvement over time in mood or physical stats. It’s going to require more detailed journaling than I could disclose here, but might end up being a nice package later on.

I have no idea if this will help. That is what terrifies me. It’s clear it can do something, but then of course my mind got working wondering if all that metal in me vibrating at an insane pace would cause or create more scar tissue if overused? What if even moderately used–could it do that? Am I going to be a sad statistic later–WOMAN EXPERIMENTS WITH PEMF PRE-AVS SURGERY, eerily predicts her own death. I don’t know but I am still experimenting so I can turn this thing into something helpful. The other thing I am doing as I sit here and maybe I will try to do more of is listen to healing music. There’s 432 Hz this one I’m watching/listening to as I write this sits at and I swear to you the music is like listening to the theme music of all your most dramatic dreams in recollection. There are no words, just tones of highs and lows and bridges of air and the haunting keyboard humming in the distance. I almost want to ask them to put it on me during surgery–to heal and also because dying to that theme music is probably completely appropriate.

I’m still off Twitter for one account which apparently affects them both. I don’t talk to anyone often enough to care that much–I literally have one or two people who ever thought to message me with more than a comment or two anyhow so I am still gonna sit here and do my other site and build the other one while I hermitize inside. In terms of the video, I might film the series and then release it as shit gets closer because I don’t want to film my dying process if it does get down to that–I’d rather it be a documentary on how to live well even going through these less fun parts.

So, I’ve had my calcium magnesium zinc am pill. Next is MSM and breakfast-Ka-Chava won that as lunch comes next. Today I am baking banana nut muffins or some chocolate chip almond cookies or those blueberry bars again, which are DELICIOUS. There needs to be more to snack on here because I don’t buy packaged foods often. I also have to get some hard-b oiled eggs done for snacks. Dinner will be a peanut chicken curry over rice. Snacks will be handfuls of walnuts and dried cherries or my little bake projects which I promise, I KNOW I should include photos of so I will. That will be my evening post, my great success today.

I haven’t yet really attempted any full meditation–that I have to look into….