So yesterday I kind of gave my life early report for the day. After that I did my shower, didn’t clean and left the house to paint lettuce. Let me explain that–I have noticed that most really great artists went through an entire evolution of skill and style. As someone who let their skill languish for most of the past 25 years, I am very out of practice. This is not to say I don’t have any innate skill still because I do, but I am not someone who you’d be able to point out the that was something Deanna did kind of style. I want that style, so it does involve me painting things I am not attached to, which has actually turned out to be food. What I mean by that is who the hell is going to want a painting of my lettuce tacos? How about nobody. But painting lettuce tacos and food I am convinced will give me a different take on painting people or things I want to paint later on. Plus, there’s a lot of color in my subjects–not your standard still life but usually reproduced photos from the meal boxes I love so much. Blue Apron. Hello Fresh and Green Chef are what I have the most photos of, but yeah, I will show you that shit later. My painting teacher went off on how she always kept her bad paintings up so people could see her evolution. I guess that’s about where I am–not proud, but not ashamed exactly.

Anyways after that it was right home to the dog, did our almost loop as it was too damn cold out yesterday and then headed back to talk to Don on Skype for a bit. Left the house to go to the grocery to get some last minute prep for more food box fun for him, then decided F it. I am bleeding to death and I want a burger. I have been eating mostly vegan for days aside from some chicken I broke down twice to have over the past week or two. So I went to FiveGuys and got my burger, small fries and chocolate shake. Now, I am not a calorie counter obviously, but you kinda want to know what choices like that might do. So LBC I got (LittleBacon Cheeseburger) was like 670 calories. The fries were supposed to be almost 600 but I never eat them all. And the shake I am sure also over 500, but again, never drink it all. So yesterday probably hit my 2000 threshold with my egg and yogurt and croissant.

BTW. This does remind me. I do love fucking croissants. If I get the coronavirus, it’s going to be because I go to the damn grocery store every single day to get one of those suckers. I figure it’s like I am in Europe, but not really. I am in the land of fucking strip malls is where I am. But yes today I was opening my eyes after 7. I know, I said 6, but whatever. Nobody is waiting on me at this point. I plucked the phone out from under my pillow (I keep it there for late night insomnia sessions which are clearly so helped by the light…ugh). I read a few things and then I said….hmmmmm. Maybe, maybe so. I have been struck by this kind of new sensibility of responsibility since I am, ya know, not entirely stressed into small knots for once in my life. And I realized…March is going to be about copywriting is what it needs to be about. I do think I need the painting class still because that type of discipline I struggle with on my own. So I do have one WP class scheduled and the intermediate is a week later. So maybe a drawing class, the painting, two WP classes and Copywriting to fill the job portion of the day. I am still feeling guilty, see, but I realize there are a hell of a lot of you with children filling the job portion and overflowing. Man, with children I would have been dead eons ago with worry. Now I just worry about Don. I need him to get some of this freedom he has worked so hard to give me which means my whatever you call it, my dance with joblessness has to be a bit shorter–working for other people? Who knows. Half of me says no fucking way again and another is like, well you did love bartending. But I am old and though just as cute according to me, definitely don’t look 20 something. SOOOOO. Today’s scope of responsibility entails. Chicken prep for some frozen marinated breasts going in the mail. Best beef chili. Last night I got beer at the store to make that happen and you can’t really buy lager by the bottle so had to buy an entire 6 pack which you know I had one of but definitely kind of wrecked me with the commencement of the day. So today, so far:

Goal 1 achieved. Walked the dog, but still too cold for much.

Goal 2 achieved. The damn croissant.

Goal 3. Wrote about it.

Goal 4 coming: Beef Chili and chicken stuff. If I am really good, I will also get those damn zucchini muffins baked. Also. Since today is not an art day, painting. Well, I want to paint but right now I have to clean, then cook. Then maybe throw in some painting time in there. Luckily when I was getting supplies for my painting class she actually had put in there an easel. Now at first I was like really? An art school without easels? So I found one at Michaels which can hold a mega canvas–like a massive painting which is kind of what I always pictured myself painting. I got it for half off which made it a hundred bucks. But it is new and beautiful and wood and my old one Fabricio gave me was too busted to pretend with anymore. So I have all the pieces to play the part of the artist so again, it’s fucking time, people. I will write more on some realizations I had about art later on—but one thing I decided was I need a sketchbook now to start to remark the remaining days. Hopefully more than one book to make a stack or two. That’s going in the cart soon. BTW, the art school did have the easels which kind of makes me wonder about the needs list she posted, but anything to get me a bit more ahead is fine by me.

BTW. I am a terrible person. I haven’t showered or brushed my teeth or washed my face yet. It’s only 10:45 am. More on things later….OH and I might even do my first insta post. decodeanna for now…urghhh