Okay, so I figured out some things, having really taken a deep look at our finances, or mine, for that matter, since I am the one without the resources and really, without a hell of a lot of the hope you’d think a grown adult with no children would have the space to have. I realize what I have to do. And I swear to you I think I can make it happen–it will take a little more from me than I sometimes think I have the space to give, but I need to get this goal completed and with the help of my interweb friends, I hope you and some you know can make it happen. As I have realized a $65k student loan would be 2,166 t-shirts or some combination of 100 headbands and 2,000 tshirts. But I have to figure it out. Now in the process if I could somehow attain that damn copywriting expertise, that might be something, but for now I think what I need to do is find a home for 33 t-shirts every month out the door, at minimum. Now if I did more than that, fine, but I am thinking what I might do is try and just get a bunch out the door every month on my deco site, and still have some stuff like headbands and other items, lamps, wall art etc available on it as well–once we sell the t-shirts then the excess we can burrough away in a Deanna needs a home we can one day turn into something maybe handicapped accessible just in case that becomes something we need to worry over–one could hope for never but clearly we all have to be realistic.

My brain has holes, see–holes which have affected some memory and clearly maybe some other things. I shake sometimes, get affected with aural migraines which are awful “am I having a stroke?!?” things but–30 tshirts a month I could do. 2,000 tshirts would vanish that student loan and leave me on some kind of playing field to tackle any medical debts coming up but hell no on that $168k. I had a lawyer fight and ALREADY WIN so I definitely do not appreciate the wakefield and associates bills from 2015.

But here, here is something lovely I could focus on and an instagram worth of some fun t-shirts could be sweet. I think I am going to screen print them and hand-paint or modify each one–$30 a pop would have to mean it was special special. Hmmmm. Man. I have kept some important promises to myself and Don and that one is a huge huge massive wow–the deco to offset the obstacle, the mountain high of student debt. See the medical debt I knew I would have. Certainly I did not plan to have much and knew at least once I would be driven into bankruptcy, which I have so far avoided, and that is because I have nothing but debt and a guarantee to the government they get it even before I am allotted social security–so many older people getting garnished when I will likely need it–oh hell no. I have worked since I was 15. I am 43–that is 28 years of continuous contributions except maybe a year and and a half, maybe two in total. I do not want the mistake of Columbia University to wreck me for life. But I do not expect something for nothing because come on now, that is not how things work in this world. I am sure I have at least $65,000 worth of talent in me but imagine if I had $125k–that would be my part of the house downpayment–hell after the student loan maybe another $65-$100k I could manifest out of pure talent. As it is you are talking 66 months to pay off the $65k in a reasonable one woman show timeframe. 33 shirts a month. I could do 10 a weekend for sure. I could do more with the help of a friend but that would involve an investment I do not have to make right now–maybe any excess from the site would be able to be re-invested in the process to do a larger run the second and third times–all big maybes but everything worthwhile is at one point, a maybe.

At this point I do have a hell of a lot of hope for this. I also think that I am going to start having to produce not only this inventory, but a literal inventory for my Christmas market adventure. hmmm. Maybe save an exclusive run of each design until then and sell on the site at at the table. A Christmas market haul could be $500+ a day depending on your skill level. And I am betting I could do $5k for sure.

Man–maybe we might be able to do a wedding even, holy crap before I get to old to be pretty. IMAGINE THAT UNIVERSE??!!?!? Imagine me having a life I could look forward to–full of a few normal things. A roof over my head, some security even. I have $13 in my bag right now and $2.37 in my bank account. The $13 is left over from some of my savings I had to raid to eat this week, as I have cut off the food boxes, for now.

xoxo to you all, be on the lookout for the first BATCH of shirts 3/1/2019.