I know I know. Gratitude is the antidote to complaint–being grateful for anything has a way of turning you off the trends of complaint.

I am sure if you found this place you probably have a point of empathy you are approaching from–this would certainly be better than scorn or incredulity, which I know I have left others suffering the effects of—but I have been trying for some time to skew Don and off the path we’ve been on. The wishing, the daily gratitude. The education, the inventions. The writing, the art….I have dabbled in it all but haven’t exactly been able to bend off the course of being pissed about bullshit a lot of the time. For example–and this actually happened after I wrote most of this–not only are Don and I now moving, but the furniture we borrowed is now being taken back by the donor, who was a friend who unfortunately mean-girlsed me and talked shitty about me to a mutual friend and so we stopped talking a while ago. Lo and behold she had a package delivered to her here mistakenly, and as a result of the conversation–is now taking our 2 couches and bureau. We will have tables and a bed once we are done which is funnier than anything but come on now–give me some luck universe!!! sahahahaahahah. I am serious this is getting ridiculous. I guess the universe really does want us to be homeless, or look like we might be for a bit. Oh my god, seriously this is happening….and right now all I can do is laugh. I am not mad at her obviously it is HER furniture, but the timing is just hysterical.

I suppose if you were to view the descriptions of the type of complainer I am–I suppose it would be number 3, chronic.

I think it is fucking hard not to be sometimes and I have been trying for a while, like I said, with many different methods. I have shown Don the studies on thoughts affecting outcomes and sometimes it is his incredulity I think that thwarts our progress. He is very rational minded–he is the one always saying (in respect to God, or Jesus or whatever)–

“Never count on a dead man to do you any favors.”

Now, you might chuckle, but he has a freakin point. He always approaches things from the science ended skeptic, waiting to wreck the magic, as I always tell him, when he tells me he doesn’t believe in aliens or ghosts. He of course thinks me complaining about him ruining the magic is pretty ironic since it’s generally about looking at things you can see or know vs things people have told you about and you haven’t seen for yourself.

But. We have decided. I have decided for us we are going to find a way out for us that is better, safer and healthier than the current state of our home, family and circles we roam within. We have become incredibly picky about the people we spend time with because–after this weekend and just the general state of society–staying inside sometimes does seem like the thing to do.

Today I am grateful:

I have Don and this puppy–Duke really is the best dog in the world sometimes, and he’s still learning so he’s getting better every day.