I stole this headline from this week’s lessons, courtesy of A Year To Clear–see I have been on this self-improvement kick as of late–trying all manner of class, scheme, whatever, to make a little cash as it feels like things are still just tightening around my neck with all the nothing I currently have with all of those something somedays on the horizon. This isn’t exactly about making cash, but certainly I expect to–I got a little store going I AM SURE to actually fucking do something with because it represents an element of genius I am capable of on occasion but certainly have never fully exploited.

I am on day 7 or 8 of this year to clear stuff–I think there is something to be said for a lot of the opportunities lately to enrich your knowledge base through education. Ultimately it is a better use of my time than reading the news and being disappointed we are really just fucking up so bad at humanity. Part of me muses that my words might last a century and people might look back and say–shit, you guys survived some shit with basically a government that doesn’t give a shit about anyone who can’t pay them in favors, that we live in a world where we are actively witnessing the decline and people aren’t moving to correct it, and all of these social and racial injustices, hell the amount of guns we even possess–the gimmick that we are I hope one day is a thing of the past and people look back in wonderment to this time and the legacies people are leaving–that money we still see NOW as an American value over innovation and advancement–once we start elevating the brains that keep societies evolving, we might see something significant. Then again, my relatives may look back at this time period and say–that was the last time people were really able to be free. Free to be assholes, free to rape and pillage resources because, money. But I do hope we evolve as a human species to elevate the brains that are really the signs of evolution..one can always hope we can be better than this, right?

Sometimes I wonder what we will look like in a hundred years. and still others I consider will we even be around in a hundred years to read this? I know I won’t–I’m thinking 2 decades, 3 max but yikes who wants that with the exploding artery disease. If I find a way to live a peaceful existence–HERE I COME BEACH. Actually, after the conversation I had with that woman this morning–I would move to almost any working city. Toronto I wouldn’t mind–NY, LA is what I really want obviously but who knows. I swear when you look at this a year from now…11/7/2018–shit HAS to be different.

But now–right now all the peace I am getting is through reading and my DailyOM exercises or whatever. Not reading the news, no for once fiction is actually less terrifying than reality. But stories and books and things I forgot I like to do. One thing I have been struggling with–well if you didn’t know I have an artistic talent I haven’t really lost so much and get petitioned to do dog portraits for people every once in a while. But a white lab has proven to be one of the most challenging tasks I have ever tried to undertake and I have gone through now 2 failed incarnations with a new one I am doing later because no no way is this good enough to represent someone’s passed pet. I fear my lack of practice has left me, well, out of practice. But a promise of sobriety this week I hope endears me to finish it. It’s either that or I will pay someone else to paint it at this point…wow I cannot tell you the dread that one’s failed artistry could inspire–s’no good. But I will do it. I just have to make myself suffer through the suck.