I don’t even know what to say, but there are people who’ve said it better than me, and with a lot more passion than I seem to have left to contend with this in this new reality. I am exhausted and I am full of disappointment in my fellow countrymen. I am happy we have been such inside people because I absolutely cannot stand I may be out there in the world with people who actually voted for this guy. I question the sanity and the judgement of everyone around me, and yes, most of us have been side-eyeing each other because it really is a wonder how a semi-educated public could do such a thing. I don’t want to be around them and for now I am even off facebook. I was pissed he wasn’t condemning the attacks, though I heard he gave an access hollywood style interview where they spent little time on him and he told everyone to “stop it.”

I still don’t have anything to say to so many people I know right now. The anger is fresh and it is fueled, and I am sad and I am feeling not confident, and I would leave if I could, because really–why would I want to be around all these assholes, no, for real? I don’t trust the people around me and my concept of what made America amazing HAS largely been damaged. I have maybe ten years left, max, and I want to be around people who care about each other. People who care about each other and reject these notions to hate those different from you. I realize that statement may hit some of you as ironic, but I don’t jive well with the hateful, indignant or ignorant. It’s not a good look, and I know a thing or two about dying so there are different things I like to focus on and bring out of and with people.

Hate for a woman over media-perpetrated buzz words like Benghazi and emails was stronger than our desire to have a decent human being representing us worldwide. We have elected a fascist, and with that, a balance of power that hasn’t been seen since the 1920’s. We’ve created the perfect storm for income inequality to reach never before contemplated heights and all of our public service institutions are in jeopardy. People forget the republican snake tactic of underfunding organizations they later want to blame on government failure, then bundle up and sell off the agencies’ work to their friends, who suddenly step in with private companies to solve your woes, but you WILL pay for it, because they do nothing for free. Think Koch world, and you better believe those guys are now thrilled to new heights.

Think about that again, though, hate for a person literally overran people’s critical thinking abilities. It’s okay, when income inequality is like 1% has 80% of the resources, well, I will be long gone by then because I am not stupid.

I am apalled and worried and I hate that I am as aware as I am. I read and I source and I fact check my shit. We have access to the world’s information at the palm of our hand and so many of us choose to be willfully, painfully, ignorant and unaware. I cannot even tell you the absolute knife that democracy has taken in the back, especially for those in Colorado who chose to throttle their own ability to ammend their own constitution because $10 million+ in oil and energy money went into telling people the current ammendment process is not fair. They are so stupid and blind that they never LOOKED, and the one thing I didn’t hate about living in Colorado was totally ruined by a dumb public. Weed never would have made it on the ballot FOR A VOTE had this law been in place, which also requires a SUPER majority which isn’t even fucking democratic at all anyways.

So many friends are hurting right now, and though not everyone has reported direct harassment themselves, everyone knows someone who has been terrorrized, told to get out of the country, called names, etc…two of a friend’s friend’s kids killed themselves rather than deal with it.

We elected a man based on his businessman status who literally has made his money off the backs of people like you and me, reneging on agreed upon deals and telling you to sue him. Then you do and you go bankrupt fighting and realize you should have taken the 30% he thinks your effort was worth. We elected a man who has admitted to sexually assaulting women, the man singlehandedly responsible for a free reign on using the word PUSSY all over broadcast tv. We elected a man who has put white nationalists in his cabinet and is wreckless, at best with all things America holds dear.

Worse still is we elected a man with the inactivity and apathy of a lazy public who just elected a fascist because most couldn’t be bothered. Fuck you third party people, too. Third party experiments are for midterms, not when you literally may be electing Hitler to lead.

****I will ammend this to say I am not going to turn this into a Trump bashing place, because I need to NOT write about politics this way…I am going to experiment with some other ways, but no, not here, so trolls rejoice.