So that is done, finally. My body is wrecked more than it has been in quite some time, which is saying a lot given I am pretty sure I am more hardcore than most anyone else I have had the benefit of knowing. Next time, I will burn it all, I don’t care. Stuff is just stuff and I started to feel swallowed by it. I sat inside for a few weeks, surrounded by art and my things, watching Redbox movies 2-4 at a time, looking at my the physical manifestations of my life taunting me from every corner. I was completely paralyzed by the reality and my crisis response being set at a low volume entailed that I would not cry too much or really freak out until the last two days. I was a mess of emotions and bewilderment…wondering to myself, are you really going to do this, or rather, are you really going to be able to do this? Between my own procrastination-turned-inner-drama and saying goodbye to everyone I knew, I am pretty sure I am not moving myself next time. I am not even sure I can muster the strength to care about my things either. So much stuff I have lived months without…coming to Denver in Jan I had one large suitcase for 6 weeks and did fine. Multiply that by too much and that is reality–my things almost owned me.

Today is day 2 of being here and in all honesty, I feel like I could not have made a better decision for myself. Hanging around my sister who is excited to see me and is very involved in helping me out is a unique thing in and of itself and with the understanding that my family has literally now quadrupled with very little effort of my own is a pretty amazing thing. You are invited to Easter, Deanna, with my mother’s husband’s family, who have been nothing but supportive of me for probably years now.

I would say more but I’m gonna hold back on that. Years ago I considered moving to Alaska to find a real man who wasn’t money obsessed who knew how to get dirty and possessed a good soul. Holy bananas–they are EVERYWHERE here. I don’t even know what I can do or say beyond, I might break a few hearts, but I am also smart enough to know that making huge decisions two days in on anyone is not something I am going to do. I can take my time here and not worry about “missing out” on anyone who had their bait on the line for a limited time. OPTIONS, people, options.

For now I am gonna work on building my life fresh new and clean. No more dreams or nightmares about moving back and not being able to–I am here now and that is what I have to build on–find an apartment, a job, make some new friends, and whoever wants to come along for the ride will do that…if not, eh, the options are endlessss.

I was always looking to find home–it was always here, waiting for me to return. And nothing is going to stop me now.