These past few days and next week will be some of the most challenging days of my free-choice life. Free-choice in that obviously surgery is one of those things you normally don’t subject yourself to unless you are looking for work on the outside, but since all of mine were inside fixes, I’d say this sits right up there with some of the most stressful periods in my life.

This is because the reality of what I am doing hasn’t yet hit me…everything I know, NYC, my friends, the people, the weather, my city…it’s all changing. I got a little weepy this morning with E and last night with F, both of them saying I was leaving the people who cared about me the most, the two guys who would do anything for me that they could, to just “move away.” I find it awesome that they both said the same thing, and it goes to show you that yes, you can be friends with your exes, and yes, they can still be awesome long after you parted ways. They both know me better than anyone else, really, so to have them both look at me as they did made me realize there is a reason I am huge on Irish goodbyes. I despise saying goodbye, hate leaving, hate being left, so I would almost prefer not to say anything to anyone rather than go through the whole ceremony of “Yeah….good luck. Take care of yourself, I will see you soon…Yes, I promise I will visit, Miss you already! Byeeee!!!”

In hindsight this past year was probably one of the most challenging in terms of my personal evolution. I decided I could care less about my Ivy league degree and left Columbia, which  is kind of funny given just this week there was an article about a preschool mother suing a school because they ruined her kid’s chances of getting into Ivy league. I followed my heart to the north to wrangle a Canadian (and lost!)–point is, I gave it a chance. Also-I finally got what I wanted out of my old job, a ticket to freedom (thank you DD!!!). I started my own business, (this!) which just needs a little boost of two from some promotional endeavors I will set upon once I am actually stable for more than a few weeks. I threw myself out to the wind in September when I went down to the farm in Pa for my dog, leaving my apartment. The lease needed to be re-signed, and I guess I decided then (last summer), that I needed to be a little free and do what I wanted. So I traveled and this month marks 7 flights in 7 months. I still need to add Europe to my roster since warmer weather destinations are pretty much out of season now. But all in all, I guess I have done what I wanted when I wanted with no fear. And now I am moving clear across the country to capture something I lost as a kid…I wish I could verbalize exactly what it is, but the climate and temperament of the people in Denver is a little more in line with what I consider humane than New York.

When I was all of 18 I remember meeting some friends of my cousins who made fun of the East Coast suggesting we would all run each other over to be in mythical first place.  And it’s true. I can also say that it is also entirely true that people there ask what you do, but not in a how do you make money way, but in a what do you do for fun manner. Going to a place where I don’t even have to faux impress anyone with any kind of extravagant title also seems to be a little more real to my whims and desires these days. Point is, I am not going to stay anywhere which does not foster my desire for close relationships (come on, NY, you are full of it there)…foster my desire for an enjoyable, savory life (tough life, sure), or give me some kind of natural escape to muse my thoughts away (thank you, mountains!)…Liberty State Park and close beaching will be hard to say goodbye to, however…this is why JetBlue flies back and forth from Denver to NY for less than $250 round trip, so I can swim with the fishes anytime I want.

So how do you say goodbye to twelve years? I think you just do what I am doing. Leave. Leave with tears in your eyes but with your sights on more. I’ll let you know how it goes in a week.