So I have been watching my youngest girl pitbull, Sophie these days. I guess she is my only now, but that’s a secondary realization.Today is my last day with her alone (her Father is her main keeper now, after all), before I get chucked out into studio time, packing and wrangling my life back into some kind of recognizable order. Of course I was like, hmmm…maybe I should do some kind of photo project or movie short…”twenty days til Denver.” Then I realized I am most funny only to those who know me best, and my sense of humor, though simple, doesn’t always translate to all. Plus, what’s a story without a ton of drama or sex in it? Nothing fun, I can tell you that.

For example, today I decided to google “should I bite my dog?” Now, I have been biting her for many years now, and I am the only one of her keepers who threatens to bite, and certainly the only one who would bite her. I bite her face and her ears, sometimes until she squeaks. Call me crazy, whatever, I just have the sense to realize she is an animal and trying to coax her to act appropriately through reason alone is just stupid and exhibits the ridiculous human tendency to baby talk to animals or people when they don’t speak the same language. She has been passed out at my feet much of this week, very mellow. When I am about to bite her, I do warn her with a “no!”, and “I am gonna BITE you Sophie!” She turns her head to me, waiting for the bite–she does equate it with the need to calm down when she’s being ornery. When I was out walking her today I did it when she started to pull me, and when she sat furiously barking at the door when the super knocked today. She just goes flat, and though I am sure part of her must associate the biting with a way to get rewarded AFTER she is bad, I really don’t see a problem with it. However, how awesome is it you can ask google such a ridiculous question? Sometimes I like to ask google questions there are no good answers for, like, “why are Americans so stupid they don’t think they need healthcare?” Maybe I will save that for my next google search day and expand my opinions on that.

This brings me back to something I was musing on. I need to figure out a way to keep these entries organized in a manner which keeps the writing part interesting to me. The point of the whole charade is, duh, keeping an actual record of parts of my life, thereby inspiring you the reader that you can go through serious life and death experiences and still be whole. (but come on, documenting an entire life would be boring, so we can consider this snippets of fun if you’d like). Secondly, this serves the purpose of entertaining myself, and maybe even you in the process, keeping you coming back for more so that when I do build my mini deanna empire that you are all very aware of what I am doing and have reason to come back and see the new things I am doing. How egotistical, right? Eh, it’s mine and I learned long ago writing without regard for what I want is just BORING. So I am thinking there are several little categories I can arrange and lay out here to make life interesting.

For example: I could do educational days where I am giving you all information on keeping your tails unlike mine, you know, healthy and free from surgery. Then there is the ask google question of the day, the ask deanna day, the art of the week, the politics that make me mad day (likely Sundays: Meet the Press, I am talking about you), the things that make me laugh day, the beautiful story of the week day, and on and on. Please feel free to send me suggestions either by commenting here, or send me an email to heartsandscars@gmail.com. I wanna be like Oprah, just not so egocentric to have a TV network called OWN named after me (I mean, really, come on Oprah…you might own a lot of crap but come on now). My own little magazine because I know my opinions and life are made of platinum, candy, puppies and diamonds, and you should respect that. Big wink here, seriously…