Ouch, going through that many years of your life in one shot is surely a learning experience…I peeled back my layers for observation because not only do I have zero to hide, I suspect how I have handled things and my attitude in general might be something worth consideration. For anyone going through this or any other difficulty…it should be noted that the only thing you can ever truly control are your own reactions to things and events.

When you subject yourself to all of that peeling you do feel the pain as fresh as it was when it all happened…and as a result I did drain myself, flatten myself, and flipped myself inside out to remember…It’s nicer to be detached from an event and discuss it as if its not a part of you than to revisit it and realize there were actual feelings involved. I laugh about my situation so much that it is sometimes hard to recognize it was a painful one to experience, and yes there were tears in some of the regurgitation…but all in all it is not a terrible thing, but some aspects I did need to get reminded of–when you are in the midst of your own cycles its difficult to recognize the patterns which you construct a life around…

I spoke with my mother the other day and she told me it was probably a sign, something I needed to do…to experience all of this again…to see the patterns. And though talking about what I have learned would do nothing for anyone but me, I am glad I do have all of this meat to sift through to make it all make sense finally. I’d even suggest my patterns are going to stop being repeated…as I need a new paisley or checkerboard to keep me in line…the old polyester stuff just doesn’t fit the same as it used to.