I love my perch. I have a little couch loveseat set purchased from my friends at the army of salvation. The loveseat is a sunny spot in the room—there’s a building right next to these two windows but the sun stays high enough throughout the best parts of the day to shine on my face and make me feel always inherently better.

I can take the winter in small spurts…the weather today, even bitter as it is, reminds me of Colorado last January. The sun, the sky extended up, the wind whipping through you to seep into the deepest parts of your bones and soul—well, it’s cold and not the beach or sweetness of somewhere more south of here. But it’s life, and though I someday will hopefully be able to escape and be more of a bi-coastal baby, right now I will just hide inside with hot chocolate.

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Now that it is later in the day, some 12 hours later, and I am pondering the long stretch of winter which is in front of me. I am also becoming more aware of my own weaknesses: impatience which breeds stupidity. It is one of my most important lessons I am trying to hone and learn. It will take me some time to fully integrate into my being, but I am going to do it. It is one of those New Year’s things…and one lesson which is going to make a difference. Because without it, I will be shooting flames on anything and everything that makes a difference–from business plans to friendships to love affairs, to anything and everything that matters.

I would not have normally thought of myself as this person (the impatient kind), because I am so patient with people who I have no expectations of–as crazy as that might sound, I am actually a really good teacher—but for some insane reason (perhaps lovestruck?), I went a little overboard and bonkers lately over a situation I should just cool my jets on.

I am starting to really learn some serious life lessons lately, not just about that, but by taking a cold hard look in the mirror at the person staring back. And though she is not a bad person, she has some work to do to really become the success she envisions herself to be—and this is going to take a lot of hard work, dedication, PATIENCE goddammit, and sacrifice–not of the self, but of the ego…

and maybe that slippery id will start being more of a friend than a weapon I use to punish myself.