well,

Aside from perpetual money worrries and fear that my company will go down the toilet like the rest of America—some things worth mentioning, others not so much.

It’s not like I wouldn’t enjoy unemployment. I would be saving quite a bit and be able to go to school full time come Spring with school-filed health insurance. I would be angry, however, that I didn’t get to work here long enough to get those three weeks of paid vacation (which happens as of January 1). I wouldn’t feel useless, or as friends of mine have remarked, like I was milking the system. I mean, I have been working on the books since I was 15. I contribute so sometimes milking it is really ok. Whatever would happen after? I am sure I would end up as a waitress in some shady restaurant until I was done getting educated. I certainly don’t need a time/health insurance filler with school like it is.

I am not loving school right now, unfortunately. This might be because I took not enough courses, thereby allowing me to be slightly “lazy”, or it might be the courses. Or it might be the fact that trying to go to school in the midst of a breakup/move and still recovering from the seizure left me a little more winded than I thought I would be. All I know is I am perpetually tired. So beautifully tired I could sleep pretty much anywhere, anytime, and in any position. Strange? Maybe. I sometimes wake up feeling like a pretty pretty princess. These are the days when I am held for most of the night and morning, and being spooned up against and held near always feels nice.

Yes, he’s still around. My initial crushing has evolved into something that both of us know we can’t talk too much about. By talking about it, I give it a name..limiting the situation. Or maybe not. All I know is  I am used to dissecting and ruining “relationships” by being too gung ho about talking about every single little detail. And then there is my propensity of finding things I like while finding things I despise at the same time. I really REALLY like this one. The most caring and lovely person. Funny as hell–not overly nice. He pulls the dick out every once in a while for “appreciation”. I think he just knows how to work the girls…be too nice and they end up hating you, be too mean and they end up hating you. I am pretty sure his fondness for me isn’t exactly limiting or limited…

My apartment is finally unpacked. Still need that coffee table and bookshelves. Got that fridge. Won’t be ok for another few months financially. People right now are still vain little fucks who want their skin cream so I still have a job.

Tomorrow I fly to Denver for a few days..I don’t have a ton of time. I should see my cousins and their new babies. But my family hates me anyways so…I don’t know. My little sister is getting married. I will be too hot to trot. I swear there will be pictures this time, unlike every other time I forget to post them. I am also skinny as hell again. I lost most of the weight through food reductions (unnatural, I know). I put on my 4’s the other day and they fit, so you know how it goes. I also tried on the most fantastic dress with a very fit very awesome 28 inch waist. 28 probably seems big to most of you. But when you are 5’10, 28 is pretty freakin skinny. If I lost 10 more pounds I would be a definitive 4.

The youth (FS) and I want to go somewhere nice in a few weekends…any recommendations in New England or New Yawk for landscape painting? We want to have a painting date where we both simultaneously paint but want some beautiful secret places. We will be driving.