I am coming home tonight high off of the magic of getting to know a few people I didn’t know really at all a little better.
I did a few strange things. I participated in an event for school, a Christmas party, and I did have fun. I ended up talking film and MS with a few new people in my life, and I realized it is nice to have connections, that maybe I don’t have to try and figure out how to survive without knowing anyone at school.
I spent the majority of the evening shooting the shit with a girl who cured herself of MS (who at one point had a dragging leg and paralyzed face) and another girl recovering from breast cancer who just got a divorce. And the final lady was the one who brought us all together, the one I am easy to claim as my favorite girl at school. I have spent so much of my life being attracted to male friendship and discourse, and to now have three girls makes me very very happy.
But there was one young man, someone who is suffering from an problem with his veins in his head, that I spent a bit of time with this evening. He remains my only, and of course my favorite, male friend at school.
I don’t think I could have appreciated all of these amazing stories people have about their lives then as much as I can now. It makes me feel so lucky to have all of these magical people at my fingertips, who can all be there with just a few pressed buttons on the phone. Seriously, this program and the people I have met (with the exception of one “tool” from new bedford) have all impressed me for one reason or another.
I thank the stars as much as I can muster to have given me the opportunities to meet these kitties. I am truly blessed indeed.
And as a smart young man said to me tonight in response to my “why not NYU film school”….it’s nice to experience the cerebral academic film experience than the fluff of pure production.
I thank all of you who respond to my posts, though I am often short of time to respond every time.
Your gifts to me this Kissmas time should be a few suggested adds for some journal fun-bunnies.I find myself too shy to randomly add people, but I know you have some good ones who might not mind another pal.
Go Sunday!!!!
December 9, 2007 at 2:58 pm
As long as I’ve been going to school I’ve never really made any real friends there. I may have some people that I get along with during a semester but it never goes beyond that. I guess the age difference has a lot to do with it since I am almost twice as old as many of my class mates. I don’t really go to any school functions for that very reason, but I’m glad your enjoying it.
Maybe when I start my graduate classes……..
December 9, 2007 at 4:55 pm
The age thing can seem a little daunting, it’s true. Lots of people I was around were 10+ years younger than me…and some were 10 older than me.
I am the oldest in my crew of ladies…one is 25, another 26 and one is 30…
I used to martyr myself out heavily because I figured nobody would have anything in common with me. I was the same as a kid, but to then have an actual difference in life realities that was palpable to those around me made it a bit easier to not engage anyone.
I just like feeling like I have buddies (!), even if it is only temporary. I have written often of my abandonment issues with some around me I have know for many years, and some going on 4 years, 2 years, and those friendships seem to be fading to be random acquaintances these days….
December 9, 2007 at 5:02 pm
I’m still having trouble with the abandonment issues, it’s funny(in an odd way) how when you stop being friends with someone it becomes a custody issue of who gets the mutual friends.
I guess I’m learning to come to terms with that issue and I’m trying to move on from it. I’ve gotten to where I view all friends & relationships on a temporary level with no clear expiration date, only a clear understanding that nothing is forever.
December 9, 2007 at 7:30 pm
hmm
That reminds me of something someone once said to me…nothing is forever. And we all come in, and go out, alone.
I know that. I just have had a habit of holding people up to unrealistic standards. I figured as an adult my friendships would be made of stronger stuff than the uber fluff they appear to be made of.
Then again, this whole thing ties into maturity and what people ultimately want to get out of, or get from friendships and that family feeling that friends can give you. For me, my friends have always been my family since they have made up for the serious shortcomings of my family.
Now it seems as though nobody is exempt from that bucket any longer…everyone sucks on equal levels. Of course I can stick myself in that bucket, but I can at least acknowledge it with words instead of the inevitable silence given to me by so many of my “pals”.
December 9, 2007 at 7:55 pm
Re: hmm
I don’t think I hold people to unrealistic standards which is why I always find it puzzling when these things happen. I’ve realized that once common courtesy is gone there’s nothing left.
I’m sorta neutral with my family, I’ve always felt like the black sheep. My friends used to be able to fill the void but that seems to be changing as well. I’ve gotten to a point where I feel like I’m going backwards again.
I do take some responsibility, I can admit to my flaws and mistakes, but unlike some others they’re not done with malice.
The year is almost over, maybe next year will be better?
December 9, 2007 at 9:06 pm
Re: hmm
Yeah, people are inherently rude. I think with this whole e-communication interweb world that people just don’t give a fuck and look for the road to the easiest pleasiest action…a shortcut if you will.
I like to lose my cell phone and leave it at my home sometimes. I wish for days when people left messages on my answering machine or knocked on my door to ask if I could play.
Though I know this is New York and nobody is supposed to have time, I just don’t buy the excuse.
This coming year I predict will be one of my many golden years of giddy time fun. But I am going to make it that way…and for anyone who can’t appreciate them, flick them man. I am over it.
🙂 Cheers to a smiling week end.
December 10, 2007 at 5:01 am
Re: hmm
I think for all one puts into a friendship or, a series thereof, one gets about a 30% return
and I`ve always felt like some people are really good people but need to be dragged along sometimes (which turns me off a bit)
I`m guilty of being a bad friend too….lots of times…and I`d wish I could blame it on bad examples or issues or whatever but the reality is, I was just a bad friend….doesn`t mean I wasn`t thinking of the person or didn`t care about them deeper than a casual aquaintance sense…..just that I was guilty of being selfish for the moment
I try to think of that and myself when I get all disappointed when others let me down or rather, I feel let down….ro I would have lost hope in interpersonal relationships as a whole….(I have Darvocet-induced misspelling and dyslexia tonight,dear)
I agree about the internet….I have grown to hate conversating here….I fell all guilty…like if I REALLY cared or liked a person I would have the courtesy to CALL them or something…..I hate the phone though, for the most part….hand-written letters are cool to get in the mail….the other person can`t interupt you when you have something to get off yer chest and they can write you a reply giving you time to contemplate the reply and process accordingly…w/o rash and thoughtless speech
December 10, 2007 at 5:08 am
Re: hmm
in persona grata (is this corect latin?) is the best way
you seem sorta lonely which is odd that you live next door to 5 million potential friends there in NYC…..ironical?
are you a small circle of friends-deeply connected friends sorta person or a large circle-loosely connected sorta person?
I sometimes feel I have too many friends (which is stupid to say) but it comes from the guilt of knowing I can`t or don`t have the time to maintain alot of dfferent ffrndshps….and how do you choose between one friend or another when there is a conflict?
December 11, 2007 at 3:54 pm
Re: hmm
I think I am an aquaintance kind of lady these days. I know a jillion people, but the people close to me are usually countable on one hand.
I am more upset at what I invested of myself in other people–that the fill rate is like 80/20 from me to them. I am a giving person and usually don’t expect anything in return but acknowledgement, but even that seems hard to come by these days.
I have always wondered how people maintain circles here. I feel so odd and out of place from people in general that to have many buddies in a circle seems strange to me.
Half of me just wants to run away and live in an old house by a pond and communicate with people via internet ways and drink lemonade from my porch, while pulling grasshoppers out of my hair.
I hope you are feeling better!!!!
December 11, 2007 at 8:29 pm
Re: hmm
nope…I feel worse…these meds suck
but I can`t rightfully complain…I`m alive!
I`ll send you pics of where we live….we got little frog ponds (two of em) like 50 yards from our back door…Dee has two “pet” yearling deer (orphaned) and in the Spring, the yeller tree frogs hang on our storm door windows and watch us inside the house….she has a garter snake she named “Frank”…wild turkeys….fiesty fighting Grey Squirrels…and big ole snappin turtles roam thru the yard alot
any Lemonade we consume here………….is spiked with a little something
the serenity here is PRICE-FUCKIN-LESS!
maybe you give too much…..you know, it doesn`t make you a bad person if you say “no” and neither are you a bad person if you have to stomp yer foot a little and demand some aknowledgement from people….it won`t make you selfish….sometimes people just need to be reminded that you need validation or aknowledgement in order to get what you need to feel whole
if you stomp yer foot and don`t get what ya need, look elsewhere
I can count all my CLOSE friends on one hand…but it should be that way I think for me….I might change the circle about a bit as I learn more about the folks close to me, but I choose very carefully as there`s a set amount of time one has to live his life and you can`t waste 80% of yer time trying to score as many friends as you can….lot`s of other things to do with your time
as long as I could say I had at least one close friend but made a positive impact on ALL the aquaintances I ever had, would be a fulfilled enough life for me….family is a whole other entity
December 30, 2007 at 9:22 pm
All the best in 2008…