It’s been really hard for me to pick what to write about, what to express lately. It’s not that I am without words, it’s just that prioritizing them into any kind of format has been incredibly hard, and almost impossible to begin.

I have also been looking at my writing as a kind of art form. I am not saying this because I am trying to establish more value to it, but because I have started researching more into editing.

I have never been much of an editor. I used to pride myself on my ability to just spit it out without any regard to form or function. As a result, I have more of a free-flowing form of speech without much regard to any rules, be it towards grammar, or towards basic story composition. I don’t think there should be any steadfast rules towards these things, but because I have considered trying to utilize my talents towards copy-editing, my mind has been inundated with these things. I am sure that this has affected my desire to spit it out, because I didn’t want to judge myself technically.

Today I decided binge and purge regardless of what the rules were. This requires a bit of innovation since I have been writing this since 8:40 and it is now 3 hours later. I find it difficult to manage writing when I get home because at that point I am too tired and too used to my keyboard here. 

Yesterday I found myself sitting in a room full of girls who were unlike me in many ways, telling them my story red-faced and out-of-breath, explaining why it was I wanted to get involved with community service. As I watched the envelope coming towards me, I realized it would be my turn, and figured I would be very concise and succinct in what I was saying. The idea that hindsight is 20/20 wouldn’t normally apply to that situation because I did have the time to think about it. But when the envelope did come to me, I faltered because my voice is still hoarse and lame, and I am getting over a cold. To not be heard, as I have felt much of my life, and then to literally not be heard when you have an audience and something to say is one of the most frustrating aspects of my life. Granted, I spend a great majority of my day avoiding talking to people not directly involved in my business because of this, but I am fairly sure I have cemented my reputation as quiet and hoarse-voiced girl because of my vocal chord paralysis.

I do need to post this puppy now, though. It is 6 hours since I started to try to get something out there.

Hopefully I will have some energy to do more later. The title can be better explained with a better attention span later as well.