Wow. It really is fucking fall and I am mad I never got to go to Great Adventure with G and Bg and family to splash all over the water slides. I wish I could go ride on roller coasters and do free falls and all that…but they keep telling me no no no.

The wonders of being a little busted I guess.

Yesterday was fairly sleepy but I went through my piles upon piles of clothing I am ridding my life of.  I have to make room for the new stuff that will be constructed soon. I got my last books from Amazon yesterday, bought my dress form and tried to register my tax id, but there is something whack about my social security number. The SS office says in the records my birthday is wrong…but there is also something up beyond that, given you don’t need your birthday to get a tax id #. Knowing my luck, my identity has been forged and stolen and name changed or number changed because the original bears so much drama in terms of debts owed.

I do like writing and when I re-read my cleverness, realizing it is my stream of consciousness style and zero editing that makes my brain flicker in appreciation, I know that there is no true answer for me in that what to do with my life column. I do realize things like houses and babies and things like that are not to be considered, and knowing this gives me a bit more freedom than the average girl might have. If I did have these things to consider I would choose the mightiest paycheck possible, perhaps satisfying my curiosity and get the law degree and work as a DA.  I am on perpetual float though, and such desperate measures need not be considered.

So I guess I should thank my lucky stars and kiss the ground and my fate because such considerations are supposedly easy and changeable.

But  I am in a lot of ways not prepared to settle down. Not settle down in the general sense of the word. But I am not ready to settle period. To settle for me would be completely obscure and against everything I know I am supposed to believe in.

Eddie and I finished LOST which was quite the tale. I would say the entire story is much like a great book, or more parallel to my nightmares in fact. Somewhat coming true.

I read DANCE DANCE DANCE by Murakami the other day and it was really a delicious sleep I fell into in between. I read it in like 6 hours, so perhaps it was the time pancaked just so that made my mind more at ease. I did need a break after all of those dreams about getting stranded on a desert island.

But the thing about this book was that it was that perfect juxtaposition of real versus imaginary, concrete versus dreams. And I was reminded my dreams come to me like that in the context of my real or realized life. And when I do have those flashing moments of deja vu, where it seems as if reality has collided violently to my sleeping life, I have been known to get scared, and try to pluck the meaning of it all for as long as the deja lasts, which is usually no more than a few seconds. I used to think that if I could somehow forge a conscious connection between what my dreams were telling me and my actual life, I would find the secrets…the secret to life. Or maybe unlock some bizarre mystery only my brain knew existed.

As it is I am somewhat of a daydreamer. I imagine all sorts of things, from people talking smack to my face in public, to things exploding in the same space I am in, to civil war breaking out to many more things not fit to utter should they come true.

I need to get myself a pair of shoes fit to wear to work every day. I am a sneaker fiend. And my boots are the only things aside I wear. But both shoes are too low to the ground to save space for the pant leg. So I am going to get some crappy shoes and get my throat electrocuted, watch broke back mountain and clean.

Fancy my day. Tomorrow I go back to work. For five whole hours I hope will be delicious. I think I have to down my medicine with espresso though. It always seems to help the sleepy effects to actually use coffee or coke to down the pills. It’s my little trick to not passing out three times a day.