Since I got out of the hospital, I have become very accustomed to smelling myself. My rank armpits’ odor wafting up and hitting my nose. The inevitable ew at my own stink. I decided to stay away from normal deodorant because of the component that causes breast cancer, Aluminum Chlorohydrate. My new deodorants are some Tom’s of Maine weird flower one, and another one of those magic crystal roll ons, which is basically mineral salts. On the cap is a pink ribbon with “No Aluminum Chlorohydrate” on it.

I have never been a smelly person, never exuded any kind of un-fresh odor before, so this new smelly condition is something I am not used to. But I am seriously stinky, to the point where one move in this direction or that will send the odor to my nose. Showering everyday would certainly keep it away, but I have never been a shower every day kind of girl. Though I suppose I am going to have to start, both to save face, and to save the pits of my clothing. There’s nothing worse than old BO sinking into clothing fibers and outlasting a good washing.

This has been the strangest week and weekend. This week I get chopped up and re-pieced together. My heart gets stopped for the second time in my life for a good length of time. I will wake up after having my rib cage spread open with little garden ho looking spreaders. By the time I wake up again, I will be rewired back together like it never happened. I will have a nice snaky looking tube thing going from inside my chest cavity to an aquarium sounding thing, also known as a chest tube. I won’t be able to talk. I will be aggravated. And I will be in pain.

Oh what a way to end a week, no?

Thankfully E has been a peach and a half to me lately, all love and no animosity. Making everything easier. Shali and I have been speaking, too. I have tried to enjoy my small breaths of freedom. I have realized quite a bit about my mistakes.

All good lessons are learned with experience. And I won’t mess this up.