Today I actually listened to a CD and it didn’t hurt. Of course it was Morningwood’s debut album, something I tried to sing to: it was actually pretty hysterical given my voice works at 60-70% of what it used to. Laura came over and brought me chicken stir fry and we hung out and chatted a bit. She is getting married on Tuesday and I am so happy that she is so happy.

I cried when I told her how much all of everyone’s help has meant. When someone visits or calls I am usually flustered thanking them because…because I am not sure why. I guess I never expected anyone would be there for me, that people wouldn’t be so eager to help. Even my neighbor has made my life easier, taking the dog out in the morning.

Though my days accomplishments are pretty pathetic to the people who are actually living. It’s like “wow! I sat up today for 4 hours! I haven’t taken a pain pill since 4 am! The bald spot that appeared on my head the other day after being so bed bound is starting to stubble up and grow back! I watched 4 hours less TV than I did the day before! Two new people emailed me!” This is my list of accomplishments today—I know you’re impressed.

I am finding it really hard to be creative physically. The ideas are there, they always have been but I am somewhat weak. As I sit here I am in pain. My upper back is a wreck from the pulling from the swelling of the front of my chest. I don’t have sensation any longer from my incisions down 6 inches. The skin I know is mine but I can no longer sense touch. It makes me sad for all of the boys who never listened when I told them I liked my neck to be kissed. Now the top has sensation but the bottom is dead forever. At least they missed destroying the private areas…I would be angry to never sense nice touch anywhere again.

Yes. Today was nice. The dog and I went out for a walk. I guess I will post this for the days in the future where time to think will be a valuable and rare commodity. Sorry I’m so fucking boring.