yeah. that quitting smoking thing doesn’t always leave our lovies so lovey. in fact, you kind of want to punch them. until you realize and understand this idea of addiction is not one you actually can comprehend. not one you can empathize with except in theory, and people who appreciate shit, but have no basis or platform to really understand shit, are basically just annoying. kind of like the people who try and sympathize and empathize with you when you are literally in the throws of some insane drama. be it emotional or social in origin. those people always annoy me. kind of like the people who overstate the obvious the “don’t worry you’ll find someone who treats you better, don’t worry you’re young still” and bla bla bla. obviously in a life that continues things will always change. and when they stop changing and people stop learning, that. that is the time you need to run hard and fast, lungs aching, away from the tediousness.
my dreams are haunting me again. the same house that keeps re-appearing in my dreams, some sub house of the main house, my house lying haunted. it’s a house that is a pretty common thread lately. it’s small, but deceptively large inside. and one floor, the top actually, is haunted with a pretty mean and evil poltergeist type ghost. when i get the house all of the furniture is there and the sub rooms change, but it is the top main floor, full of sunshine and flowers, that haunts anyone who comes in.
Last night we all were on our way out in some armageddon themed hurricane dust cloud, sweeping by to take us all into the nothing. I worked at some bullshit chain restaurant wearing a green tank top and a denim skirt, but I wasn’t really me. And the thing (the hurricane/tornado) came in and starting picking people and buildings off. One version of the dream left me at the chain restaurant alone, but when I returned it was my dog and I, jumping into a manhole down into a sloped slide to an underground network of tunnels leading us back to the apartment I just rented on 7th and North, a four bedroom for $1200 with lots of sunshine and half the greenhouse torn out from the tornado. 7th and North doesn’t exist but the travels were very Alice in Wonderland. The dog was awesome company, and I think we talked a bit along the way, running feverishly along before anyone spotted us.
My stamina is aggravated by the lack of sun. I need a lap top. And a vacation would also be nice.
December 30, 2005 at 8:26 pm
Weird … I was having dreams about a house that was infected with zombies and had an ever expanding and changing layout on the inside. There were also rats.
January 12, 2006 at 5:11 am
hey francine…did i offend you with my comment to the post you made earlier?? I am so very sorry! if i did. i saw that all of a sudden it was gone and i though my goodness, she took me off the filter, i must have been an ass again. let me know love, i really didnt mean to offend you. i guess i should have added that the story wasnt to convince you or to shove jesus down your throat…just as pastor told me that story, i thought about you. and then when i read your post, i thought about pastors story. and so i figured God had something in that story that maybe would help you. the intentions were innocent and meant to bring comfort to you. sometimes tho, i can be innorantly insensitive and please never hesitate to tell me if and when ive done that. love to you and again, im really sorry if i pissed you off.
January 19, 2006 at 10:04 pm
no no
actually no. i hid that entry because i realized how insensitive it would be for me to be all active on livejournal when i didn’t even thank someone properly for the assistance that they sent.
it was in no way because of your posting or anything like that. you can write whatever you want, i have the people banned from posting physically blocked anyways.
so i sent my thank you email and never re-posted it because it’s no longer relevant (since it is so old now)
no need to worry, i am pretty hard to offend.