working for anything you don’t believe in certainly does stink…and sucks the good energy out of my bones.

i got home, my home not swamped by the rain. how good it is to live so far above the ground…yet a mere 30 something step up from the ground.

it is the stairs, by the way, that have been shrinking my ass. my five pound boots will probably do the same shit for me. shrinking by way of muscle strain.

i worked today. work tonight. i don’t dig the doubles, though someday it will not be so much about the owner imposed stuff, but my own disciplines, tightening up like thick string.

i dig that. self discipline, though it’s appreciation isn’t fully realized until you are actually self-disciplined. not gratuitously taking. but actually earning your own way. not fucking other people over in some half validated pity party. oh my. i’ve had a hard life. i deserve all this free stuff. actually no, no, you don’t.

you should just be more adept at dealing with shit at this stage in the game.

that’s my take on things…but no, most people i know don’t live by that mantra. give me give me give me, they thirst. and they take, and they take. and they take when they should not be taking. and they do not give back the things they have taken that they should not.

oh people. so nervous and stunted and absolutely messed up.

though i am far from being any kind of generic painted godly thing. i definitely live to the best and the brightest of my ability. i do not steal because it is wrong. i do not take what is not my own. i give and i give and i give some more.

i do not ask for favors in return. not ones i actually expect to be fulfilled.

though this chick, jennifer, she gave me some money once when i was hard up. down on my luck. gave me some music i still have.

in some ways my deeper sense of need was crying out for help. and yeah, she answered. so i took it, the help. and i wish nothing but loads of luck and good stuff for her.

bah bah bah sheep.

anyways. it’s raining. i wish i could call out. but it’s not the best week for that. no cash until tomorrow…again.