Lately I have been fighting this idea of religious fantasy spinning. It’s funny, how often lately I have heard “Well God never gives us more than we can handle”. Personally, I think that whole idea is a crock. That and the “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”. What about What doesn’t kill you, doesn’t kill you, and more often than not, leaves you apathetic and weaker than if the attempt on your life was never made.

See, I have always had this karmic dispute with myself. People always say, it “It was meant to be”. I personally have become more used to this idea of there is no such thing as fate and destiny in the most common way that people think about it. Like, it was meant to happen. How about it happened because something had to happen. I do believe in the concept of energy, yes, and I do believe more often than not what you put out is what you get back. I do not for a second, however, believe there is some all knowing energy force, aka GOD that keeps a tally of your good and bad deeds and only hands down hardships to those who can handle it. What exactly does handling it really mean anyways? Does it mean it doesn’t literally kill you? Does it mean that if you are able to utter words after your trauma that you have somehow been saved? I don’t think so. I think what doesn’t kill you might not actually kill you. You may appear stronger for it, and compared to the sunshine and rainbows lives of some of those around you, you might actually appear superhuman. But make no mistake, there is a crunching, like bones breaking, of the spirit when traumatized to the point of never being the same again.

Never being the same again. Yeah, I’ll give you “I handled it, much as I have handled much of my life” simply because I am still breathing. But to say, and to ignorantly claim that life hands you fucking flowers simply because you are too weak to handle it might be one of the most ridiculous things ever. I was talking to E’s mother about this. Telling her I had reservations about that idea that “God” somehow gave me this to make me stronger. I told her I am not too into that idea, because I have spent much of my life not handling it, therefore not handling myself, just examining the broken pieces every once in a while like some kind of bizarre peacock. Instinct, that variable called self-preservation is the one and only thing that has kept me on this “plane of existence” for as long as I have.

I was watching Bill Maher talk about this last night. And he is seriously brilliant, talking about how Bush considers this idea of Adam and Eve and the fantastical bullshit that Mr. Thunderclap made man with some mud and dirt to be worth teaching in schools alongside evolutionary theory. And he made reference to believing in some ways about the…and I forget the terminology to the religious theory, but–he believes that man descended from god…and that yes, god was a monkey.

I wonder if people actually embraced science as fact how they would react to the idea that evolution is a given evident with the continuance of life how they would actually have the balls to justify this mythical Adam and Eve situation. Of course, it would only take one monkey man and one monkey woman to spawn life that would continue and continue and continue on indefinitely. But much like frogs and small creatures and adapt to the environment and evolve to the point where they can can continue on as species , we have as well. See: appendix, wisdom teeth.

Regardless, I am actually thankful to my mother for one thing: not brainwashing me and filling my brain with absolute crap to this idea of “White dude with beard:God” spawning life and all of this other stuff people fight and kill for. I have always considered the religion of energy and consulted some religious texts, though buddhist in nature, for philosophies about living life. The only issue I have with them, and specifically, the tibetan book of living and dying, is that they all think every moment you spend on earth is in preparation for your dying. I’m not a big fan of that one. But any religious texts I have ever referred to were in reference to fables and tales spun to teach moral lessons. And I actually am thankful of the brilliance of early governing bodies, ie the bible and any other religious texts that have kept man in line. But I am more thankful that it taught the masses common sense and mutual courtesy “Do not kill, etc”. Because it seems that without it, and without people’s strong beliefs in those directions, people would be popping off left and right. Because everyone needs something to live for and something to look forward to. Even if its this idea that you fluff and pop around on white clouds with harps after your body ceases to be.