Today would be that day if I were in charge of Hallmark and made up holidays like they did. Most of my weekends are spent with boy and right now we might be lazing in bed, eating bagels and being dorks.

Today I took him to the train station to meet his father so they could have a father son weekend. His dad is 84, and so it’s important for him to spend any time possible with him for as many summers as he has.

Regardless, because of this I have a new task at hand. Painting the entirety of my apartment. This involves streaking a color much like that of babypoo, second coated down the hallways. Now, the baby poo, or mustard diarrhea color was of course the brainstorm of the leaseholder and roommate that hasn’t even moved in and has been paying rent since May. Regardless, because he didn’t fucking do it right I am now having to clean up mistakes he made by refusing to masking tape anything to protect it from the poo yellow that has spattered randomly all over. Come to think about it, my dog’s poo is the exact color of my walls. All that aside, if there were a holiday, called Depreciate your Roommate Day, I would buy him a card and give it to him and tell him, “that’s for all of the pointless work you caused me by being an idiot in the first place”.

Depreciate your roommate. Good idea if you ask me.