I have been doing lots of faux things lately. Today’s list of faux activities follows up yesterday’s attempt at faux accounting with money expected, yet not in hand just yet.

Today I have a faux interview a la cell phone with a company that provides benefits to their employees after three months. Basically this involved making a faux appointment and confirming it, restating the cancellation policy, etc, and hopefully, at the end, having at least a job offer. I am a superstar on the phone, mostly due to my porn starlet raspy voice, but to have two future bosses listening in and grading me on performance makes me slightly paranoid. Like, what if I say the wrong thing or I take too long? It’s truly hard to say what protocol they will run me through, but I have the shortest list of a cheat sheet of sorts, brought up on my computer straight in front of me for additional reference.

I bartended yesterday afternoon early evening at the Greenpoint hot spot. My oldest friend, Jenny, who I met in 1988 when we moved from Colorado to Masshell came in–she being the one who got me the job in the first place. Apparently she is moving back to Masshell to go to nursing school because life as a casting director has been less than stellar. She said “I feel like I am losing parts of my soul everyday I do this”. Remarkably, I think she would do really well in that position given her aptitudes for taking care of those around her. It kind of makes me sad given my own situations over the past several months..this idea that she can go home and it wouldn’t be the soul splintering result that my own arrival at home would be. She always had one of those relationships I idealized..being able to talk to her mother and the reciprocal support system they had set up with each other. I can only hope that the adult relationships I have formed recently and tried to grow and with my own blood lines will make me feel less inhuman and more worthy of balance in the days to come.

Off to interview….more to come.