stunted for reasons I cannot quite explain

I woke up feeling lost somehow, like I wasn’t supposed to be there, in my bed. so late so late. I woke up
at 11. But I passed out fully clothed, with my little silk camisole and tweedy blazer thing, full belt, jeans

I didn’t fall asleep in my boots but that is bound to happen

today is the beginning of a new change. I hope.

I think it might be the culmination of my apartment being a disaster after it was pristine for so long
and all of the things I want seemingly too far away to touch

though I suppose that little idea named patience will have to take my spot

because I am not interested in being all patient all of the time

maybe I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed

or maybe I am just a big fat bitch

a little of each is probably true

I need a mind purge to get all of this garbage out.

I need an activity conducive to this

I need to paint my fucking apartment a different color so that I don’t have to feel like
I am in a dungeon-like crypt

I need to get some UV lamps or a fake sun

I tend to get this flippy and bitchy with no sun exposure

and given that I have literally entombed myself in a small dark can
what can I expect?